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Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
ing the office of state's attorney by fraud and is conscious of the fact. He has been exposed by the Tribune and the hidden details of his fraudu lent election are now being brought out by the special grand jury. The spleen that he is showing now is merely the venom of exposed guilt" EVERETT TRUE "COMES BACK!" Dear old Everett True is with us again! t You just can't keep him down. He is too full of "pep." . So he has returned after a resting spell, clear of eye, square of jaw, wind in fine order, and in the proverbial p. of c. With him he brings his funny hard, straight-brimmed hat, his huge black coat, his loud striped trousers, his white spats and artillery feet. Likewise, "Old Faithful," his hickery-handled umbrella, with which to stir up the army bf pests who encumber the earth. Incidentally, as Chief Deputy Foolkiller, Everett added so many notches to the handle that he has had to replace it with a new and stronger one. He is starting, as it were, a new volume. Boobs, look out! Nuisances," beware! Fourflushers, take warning! With Everett True getting busy once more, Artist Condo will record his frequent outbursts with a sympathetic pen. Condo is the boy who can put it on paper like it happens omitting not the least fervor in the abrupt uppercut, graphically portraying every play of muscle in Ev.'s stalwart arm, and the dash and snap with whicli Mr. True buffets the boneh'eads. Pests, pick out your pallbearers! . As for the rest of us, let us rejoice! Ev. True has returned. In fact he was so anxious to return he couldn't wait until tomorrow; there he is on the next page. -o 'o HE'S NOT A "TUTTER." According to the Newark News this happened just the other day: President Wilson raised his niblick on high. His left toe dug the earth. His right leg stood like a pillar, while his left hip became disjointed. He compressed his lips. His eyes rolled. Down came the niblick with mighty swing and two square yards of the putting green rose into the air and sailed away toward the horizon al most intact. "Tut! Tut!" yelled President Wilson. We'll swallow this description, all save the "Tut! Tut!" Our worthy president is no tut-tutter. Those who have had any close relations with him, particularly newspaper men, have been struck by the strength and polish, not to say impiety, of his ejaculations. In fact, nice, round cuss expressions are not wholly unknown in Woodrow's vocabulary, and, com ing from a college president, they not only have an originality and redund ancy, but an indigenous appropriate ness that strongly impresses one and makes the expressor seem more one of us. Of course, we do not undertake to say what our president issued when that niblick swung too low. It was not an effete and effeminate ,lTut!",It surely was something that made the two square yards of turf get -a hurry on. o o A yquth returning home from mar ket by rail traveled in the same com partment as a neighbor, who, notic ing that the lad swayed continuously from side to side, asked him if he was in pain. "Naw," replied . the youth; "I've bought a watch, and if I doant keep gaun like this it'll stop!"