Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
' THE JOB IDEAL
"Hum!" said a magistrate to the
man arrested for vagrancy. "You
were found, according to the officer
who has just given evidence, prowl
ing about the streets without visible
means of support. But 'I suppose,
like most of your kind, you've some
excuse to offer?"
"Certainly!" replied the prisoner.
"Well, then, what .is it?" snapped
the magistrate. "Out with it! Why
don't you get to work like an honest
"I'm waiting," replied the prisoner,
"to pull off a big surprise."
The magistrate grunted.
"Then why wait?" he asked.
'What are you waiting for?"
"Ah!" The man's voice fell almost
a whisDer. "I'm waitine till aerial
jjhavigatian becomes more general,
Ethen I shall secure the exclusive
prigm 10 paint aaverusmg signs on
rrDCSE SYMPTOMS? )
1 H'M, Ho Voc
rf ' Ntco AN-HSRCT 1
THAT SOFT ANSWER
Poor George! It didn't matter
what he did, or how hard he tried,
he was always late. Unpuflctuality
was the bane of his existence, an in
curable habit which had cost him
opportunities, money, friends and
which almost cost him But thereby
hangs a tale.
George, in fact, was engaged to be
married, and, in due course, his wed
ding arrived. But, alas! the marriage
was arranged to take place from the
bride's home, which happened to be
some thirty miles from George's .
home. Hence, needless to say,
George failed at the critical moment;
to put in an appearance.
Picture the unhappy bride-elect
waiting at the church for her tardy
lover. Of course, she knew about the
latter's little failing. Still, as the
minutes pissed, and no George ar
rived, she rapidly sank into a con
dition bordering on nervous collapse.
Then came a telegram:
"So sorry; unavoidably missed
early train. Will.be with you at 2:30. .
Don't get married till I arrive.
AND THE VISITORS LAUGHED
Gladys' mother was entertaining
visitors in the drawing-room, when
suddenly the door was flung open and
in burst Gladys in the manner of the
"My dear child, said the mother
rebukingly, "you really must learn to
move about more quietly! I've never
heard such a noise as you made when
coming downstairs! Now go back
again this time properly!"
Gladys retired, and a few minutes
later re-entered the drawing-room.
"Did you hear me come down that
time, mamma?" she asked.
'No dear," replied the mother.
"Now, why can't you always behave
like that? You came downstairs like
a lady then!"
"Yes, mamma," murmured the
child. "I slid down the banisters!"