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rfrjf tBX G&ne Moderns.
Vaudeville varies from Sarah
Bernhardt to Dugan's Educated
Dogs. It is the nearest to perfection
in amusement ever invented to suit
the American taste.
Here is a definition of vaudeville.
It is the utter opposite of Chinese
drama. In the chopstick-land a play
lasts for three whole days before the
pig-tailed audience ever gets hep to
the plot In vaudeville a sketch that
drags three minutes without knock
ing 'em off their seat is a flivver and
a parcel of cheese.
Somewhat like the rose, vaudeville
yells the same by any other name.
When staged in rowdy fashion it is
a variety show, or a "honk-a-tonk."
When presented in a swell restau
rant it is a cabaret, which is pro
nounced with the "t" silent, as in
When offered out-of-doors it is an
al fresco entertainment, and when
the bill contains a trick horse, a tra
peze act and a ballet of trained fleas
it is a hippodrome."
When it is surrounded by a book
and lyrics, a bevy of pretty girls, a
prima donna, two scenes and an ul
cerated baritone it becomes a musi
Students of the Greek tragedies
and boosters for the advanced drama
deplore vaudeville, saying it has no
educational value. But they are sad
Vaudeville teaches how to get fast
results in whatever we set out to do.
In vaudeville the young man always
proposes to the girl six minutes and
one song after the introduction. Be
fore they elope she gets her irate
father on long-distance telephone in
less time than it takes to get a turnip
on a fork.
The villain who says, "I shall re-tur-r-rn
in one hour-r-r!" blows back
in ten minutes, and after the death
struggle he comes to life in time to
take three curtain calls and sundry
stage splinters out of his system.
The life of a vaudeville star Is quite
soft, thank you, with one's name
priced out in electric bulbs and a sal
ary that would make a railroad pres
ident envious. The stories about
Harry Lauder's salary, get louder
every year, and the same applies to
Eva I. Dont-Caire.
The beginner, however, may have
a voice like Carooz and be able to
dance like hail on a tin roof, but he's
lucky if he gets a job at low wages,
performing ten times a day.
Which makes him wonder whether
he's a failure or a film!
Irate mistress, to maid Who bad
been with her for a week The meat
for dinner was abominable, Mary!
Have you ever cooked meat before,
qr was your last mistress a vege
tarian? Mary, slyly No, mum-