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Not by any means the finest res
taurant in the town, the Cafe de Fri
cassee was not to be despised, how
ever, even for the seaside.
Old Mr. Wasser had dined there the
first three evenings of his holiday, but
there was one point of mystery, one
demerit of quaintness. Invariably he
ordered one dozen oysters, and quite
as invariably the waiter placed before
him just eleven of these well-kntfwn
bivalvular -molluscs eleven and no
On the fourth evening the same
trouble arose. Mr. Wasser looked
closely at the plate, tested the multi
plication again and again with his
finest arithmetical acumen, and then
summoned the waiter by means of
the cracked, unmusical gong beside
"Walter," he said indulgently, and
yet withal firmly, "I ordered one
dozen oysters. Now, in my young
days one dozen comprised precisely
twelve. Why, then, varlet, dost al
ways bring but a paltry eleven?"
The waiter adjusted his serviette
to the required position on hia fore
arm and bowed elegantly. Likewise
he went "Ahem!"
"Sir," he said, calmly and evenly,
''none of our patrons care to sit thir
teen at table!"
FROM BONNIE SCOTLAND
' It happened last August Tommy
Smith, a lad thoroughly .English In
jevery way, went to spend a part of
his summer holidays with his cousins,
For weeks past he had been look
ing forward eagerly to this trip, but
when it actually came about the visit,
nroved a sorry disappointment to
3iim. At any rate, Tommy took vio
lent exception to the exceedingly
plain food provided for him In his
For six mornings running his
breakfast consisted of nothing more
X interesting than plain, oatmeal a
state of affairs Intolerable to Tommy,
accustomed as he was to a healthy
repast of eggsNand bacon.
Hence, on thd1 seventh morning,
when again he found the same dull,
stodgy fare before1 him, he turned to
the younger of hisYJousins and plain
"Freddie, don't youever have milk
with your porridge?"
"Eh, James," he said to his elder
brother, "the lad thinks it's Christ-t.
THE MASTER WORD
By Berton Bratey. ,
In days of old when wizards dwelt v
Within a world of fancy,
When imps and gnomes and pixies
In spells of necromancy,
They had Strang phrases fullxtf dread
Which, with the proper cadence said,
Caused wondrous complications.
With queer conniptions, dire and
The magic words they muttered,
And thunder rolled at each remark
These old magicians uttered.
We have no witches nowadays,
No wizard dire who chortles,
And yet we have one master phrase
Which plays the deuce with
It brings them joy, it brings them
It "brings them endless trouble,
It makes a Mrs. of a Miss,
Turns single Into double.
It brings "you peace, it brings you
It lights the skies above you,
It is the Master Word of life
That little phrase, "I love you!"
Heard at a Restaurant Chatty
Waiter (glancing out of window)
The rain'll be here in a minute or
two now, sir. Customer Well, I
didn't order it; I'm waiting for a chop.