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ear out of the pillow, knowing I'd keep the door open! "And I took my cue! " 'Louie Jawlowski,' I says, 'a man that doesn't get what's ' coming to him is born lucky. You wasn't. How dared you ask a dear, sweet girl like Rubie to take you for worse? Sure, she done it, because well, because she's stuck on you for fair. Suppose she don't know how to cook? Do YOU know how to work? Nix! Take it from me, you'd better make up be fore Jt is too late. Them family bust ups will happen now and then. What if Rubie seen my lawyer and flew the coop, being peeved? How would you like that? Say, Louie, get a move on while she thinks you're good look ing!' "With that I lit out. A third party is in the way when two is getting reconciliated! "Only now, that it's over, I'll say this the best of girls will marry when they get the chance. Well, then,- why don't the schools learn 'em how to make the best of it cooking an' sewing an,! like that something that's good for keeps?" o o DIDN'T HURT HIM "When I went in the house last night I fell against the piano!" "Did it hurt you?" "No! I fell on the soft pedal!" I was halted by a diminutive office lad one day when I essayed to gain admittance to the manager of an im portant business institution, old chap. The little fellow, who seemed to have a keen appreciation of the gravity of his duties, detained me with these words: "You wants to see the Big Crowd, eh? You're crazy to chin with the Main Mast, the Chief Cook, the Top Card, the Royal Grouch. Well, just slip me your moniker pasteboard and in five wags of a goat's tail IH put you Jo whether you can put the finger on him and cuddle up like an old college chum or get tossed outa here on your sconce." My word! o o All of a sudden Schneider's dog, With pain, began to howl. He'd bolted down what he thought tripe. But 'twas a Turkish towel.