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OTffEND RECEIVES ITS""l?f?fl eti. stamt
R9TfLL,OUO9C0UT,TGWE5 ME BLEASOR&
TTO P1H T Oft VOO.
: : C
"Just had a shock," explained
Snookey. "I was seated next to a lady
on a 'bus coming down town, and,
thinking to impress her, lit my last
cigar. Imagine my. astonishment
when she suddenly snatched it out
of my mouth and threw It over
board!" "Did you dive after it?" struck in
the Chirpy One.
"No, but I grabbed her toy dog,
and dropped that overboard too!
'Sir,' she yelled, I threw your cigar
over because it was against the regu
lations!' 'That's the reason I threw
your dog overboard,' I replied.
"We both looked over the Tjus to
see what had become of our posses
sions, and there was the Pom run
ning along by the side of the 'bus.
And what do you think was in its
"The cigar?" ejaculated the C. 0.
"No, its tongue!" said Snookey.
RESULT NO BACK ANSWERS
"Hour and twenty minutes, next
train, sir," said the porter, as he turn
ed into the porters' room in the little
country station. "H'm," muttered
the Irishman philosophically, as he
entered the waiting-room, "I'll smoke
He had been calml'" seated for
about a quarter of an Lour, when a
fussy, nervy, little woman entered
and sat down on the chair next him.
"Sir, if you werea gentleman," she
remarked, with asperity, "you would
not smoke here!"
"If ye were a.lady, ma'am, ye'd sit
farther away," he retorted.
Strained silence pervaded the at
mosphere, but presentiy she burst
forth again in a thin, cutting voice.
"If you were my husband, I'd
give you poison."
Slowly and comprehensively, the
son of Erin surveyed the acrimonious
lady, puffing quietly at his pipe.
"If you were my wife," he said, as
he quietly felt for his pouch, "I'd,
FATHER TO MOTHER
"One thing you can't say I rai
"Neither does the mouse-trap ruit
after mice, but it catches them just
"There was a new boy in on?
"In your class?"
"I guess not! I licked him with!
one hand." Puck.
A railway porter had just delivered
himself of the regulation string of
unintelligible gibberish, when an irate
passenger poked out his head with
the remark: "Why don't you call out
the names of the stations' clearly?"
The porter scratched his head and,
turning round, remarked to one of Mb
mates: "Here's a bloke wot expects
opera singers for the wages of a raft