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( ''How dare you wake me up for
that?' said the school teacher. Car
acas is in Venezuela, of course."
"What is" it like?"
"Why, it's principally earthquakes
and negroes and monkeys and ma
larial fever and .volcanoes'
"I don't care,"said Miss Asher,
blithely; "I'm going there tomorrow."
AN ELECTRIC SIGN THAT COST A
HEAP OF MONEY
New York, Sept. 13. Richard
Harding Davis is more of a humorist
than anybody thought he -was.
The war correspondent and novel
ist is author of a play, "Who's Who?"
in which Collier is to appear shortly
at the Criterion theater. In an elec.
tric sign which now blazes nightly
across the front of the theater, the
names of Collier and Harding appear
in equally large letters.
This is said to have been due to
a misunderstanding on the electri
cian's part. Be that as it may, Hard
ing's full monaker stretches and
shines for'a block or so along Broad
way. And this is the letter he wrote
Charles Frohman, producer of the
show, after he had seen the sign:
"Some writers have their names
sent to the senate by Mr. Wilson and
they become ambassadors. Other
writers have their names sent by Mr.
Frohman to his electrician, and they
become electric signs and add to the
brilliancy of Broadway. Without
wishing to infringe on the copyrights
of Mr. George M. Cohan, I would like
to say that I'would rather be an elec
tric bulb on Broadway than the am
bassador to Cathay.
"All this means that I have just
seen on the Criterion theater the
electric sign for William Collier in
"When I say that I have just seen
it, I mean that, for the last eight
hours, I have been standing in the
middle of Broadway, staring at it and
impeding traffic. I was hit by trolley
cars four times, by automobiles 11
,times, by traffic cops twice. But when
I told the latter I was the man whose
name from 44th to 45th. street was
modestly illuminating Broadway they
"But for you making me famous
will prove expensive.. Mine is a name
undistinguished and ridiculously
long. You better would have backed
John Fox or George Ade. Their
names lend themselves to electric
lights. They are both distinguished
and short. But if the calculations of
myself and Mr. Collier are correct,
my name, in upkeep, running ex
penses and wear and tear, threatens
to cost you a fortune:
"We have been at it all evening
with pads and pencils- In my name
are 19 letters. Each letter a foot and
a half .high averages 15 bulbs in all,
285 bulbs. Each bulb costs one cent
an hour, and each night it burns six
hours. Multiply six cents by 285, and
you get $17.10 a night. If the play
fails and runs only one, night, you do
not greatly lose. But suppose the
farce should succeed?
"Mr. Collier, points out that he
played 'The Dictator' over 1,000
nights. And, being entirely unpreju
diced, we agree that 'Who's Who?'
will run as long. So your idea of put
ting the name of the'author in elec
tric lights stands to cost you $17,000.
Naturally you ask yourself, Ts it
worth while, in order to advertise
Davis, to risk $17,000?'
"Unselfishly I reply, Jit is.'
"I must now close, as Mr. Collier
wants me to walk down to the corner
with him and see if'the sign is still
The first temperance society was
formed in New England and its
"We, the undersigned, believing in
the evil effect of strong drink, do
hereby pledge ourselves on our sa
cred honor that we will not get drunk
more than four times a year Muster
Day, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving
fi -Zni&U&fi? "