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Newspaper Page Text
1 il ANV A MPWIRPP faP A
HE NWSTKEL, MONARCH ."
t -THf MINCTVC1 1A-MJ ACV-U U I
vess, sir, rm m dsr
a Hopeless breach
"YesJ those curtains haven't been
down 'for months, and she never
cleans her step from one weekys end
The nttle confab had already last
ed an hour between Mrs. Jenkins and
Mrs. Pollins next-door neighbors.
Suddenly, at the farther end of the
street, the doctor's carriage stopped.
All the street was eagerly excited.
"Here, Johnny,1' said Miss Jen
kins, "run over toiuinber-forty-elght
and ask how old MrsBrown is.
'"Well, what's she Bay?" she inquire
ed eagerly of her offspring on his re
turn. - - "
"She says, 'Mind ydur own bizness.
"hain't nothin to d6 wid you how old
' o o
"Why, Hannah, I can write my
name in the dust on -this furniture."
Hannah That's more than I kin do. ,
Shure there's- nothing' loike educa
tion, is there mum?.
THE WRONG SHOP
"But, my good girl, where is Tie?"
demandedthe somewhat acrimoni
ousrlooking'lady, glancing round the
"Well, he ahrtt hiding behind the
pichers, mum," retorted the loyal lit
"Such insolence!" flared the middle-aged
one. "How can any young
man expect to succeed if, at this
hour of the morning Ah, there you,
are!'' as u nonchalant-looking indi
vidual in a shabby velveteen coat
sauntered into the room.
"Do you know I have been waiting
quite five minutes," she went on.
"But what I have come about is a
'Tifou painted, the portrait of a
friend of mine. Now, my relatives
are very desirous that I should have
mine painted also. Mind yon, .Mr.
Canvas, consider hers, was really
flattered, but I expect 'that's your
business. Now, I only want you to do1
me justice, nothing more."
At last the leisurely-looking indi
vidual got a word in.
"What ycu want, madam." he-said.
having completed his survey of her
countenance, """is not justice, but
When next he turned the Etudio
FOR THE PROFESSOR
"My dear, my left foot is becom
ing paralyzed," exclaimed an absent
minded professor to his wife. "My
right foot is normally warm, while
the left is cold and stiff."
, "A doctor was called and it was dis
covered that the professor had 'two
socks on his right foot and none on
v'Mavam, can you do sometBin tot
a sufferer frdm the war in -the Bal
kans?" ' -"In what manner did you Buffer?"
"I "was a jjroofreader on a daflff