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id CUNDTOlP DER LIGHT
4 felORH'S EARLY UGHT
STOH A 60-MltE
A man lay groaning and writhing by the way
side, when up dashed a constable and proceeded to
investigate. All he could get jout of the sufferer was:
"I ate one, too I ate one, too," and he puzzled,
but not for long.
"Poison!" was his diagnosis, and, mindful of Ids
training, he at once procured an emetic, which
simply electrified the recipient.
Between convulsions he managed to ask the
reasor for such treatment, and on his being told, and
askcl what it was he had eaten, he became more
"What did I eat?" yelled he. "Why, you idiot,
'I 812' is the number of the car that knocked me
FORCE OF HABIT
Mr. Dole had accompanied his wife on an ex
cursion to the realms of bargains, and in the enor
mous building, with its many departments, he had
become separated from his better half. For an hour
he lounged about impatiently at the Junction of
many ways, where lifts, stairs and passages met, and
then, tired and angry, he approached a shop-walker,
"Sir," he said, to the frock-coated man, "I've
lost my wife."
Back came the reply in a flash:
"Third floor, and over the bridge, for the
"If you please, sir, father says he's going to kill
a pig, and can you do with a side of pork?"
"Yes, my boy," said the schoolmaster. "Tell
him to send it as soon as he likes."
A week passed away, and as the meat had
not arrived the teacher reminded the boy of his;
"I expect you forgot to tell your father, you;
young rascal!" said the teacher.
"Oh, no, sir, I didn't," Baid the youngster. "Mj;
father hasn't killed the pig."
"How'b that, Tommy?"
, "Please, sir, it's got better."
"Eh, but I'm tired!" exclaimed a tall and thin
man, meeting a friend in the street.
"What have you been,doing to get so tired?"
"Well," explained the thin man, drawing a deep
breath, "my married sister is measuring her house
for new carpets. They haven't got a measure, and
I am exactly six feet high. To oblige her I've been: .
a-laying down and a-getting up all over her hausei