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tlJjrjJEr' WHY, ADOLF, PONT VoU
Er'.UMTlH. M OSQAT2, ,
I W HALT! JYOOR COLOKEUi
Old Joe Johnson, after his short
holiday in New York, returned to the
farm full of conceit and self-importance,
and, by the way, wearing a
:scarf-pin which contained a "dia
mond" of magnificent proportions.
His farm hands one and all gazed
,at mm with amazement. Then Jim
Timkms, shading his eyes from the
glare of the - guttering bauble, ven
tured timidly to ask:
"I say, guv-nor, be that a real dia
'. Joe Johnson looked at the ques-
'tioner with scorn.
"Real diamond, indeed! Of course
It is! Anyway," ne added, discretion
Pat last getting the better of his anger,
17'if it ain'tT I don't mind saying I've
Deen aone ouc 01 iwo aouars. '
Master Don't you ever sweep un-
'der the carpet? Servant Yes, sir: I
f always sweeps everything under the
THEN SHE TOLD HIM
Miss Krab as her name, perhaps,,
might lead one to suppose was a
maiden lady of' uncertain age; and,
poor woman, like many of her kind,
not yet had she realized that her days
of blushing coyness now were pass- ,
ed. In fact, she still cherished the
fond illusion that years "bad left beau
ty unimpaired, and that, in due
course, some gay cavalier would
come to claim her hand.
Then one day, instead of the gay
cavalier, came the census officer to
make inquiry on those very subjects
which were forbidden. Miss Krab was
greatly wroth. -
"Have you seen the girls next
door," she asked "the Hill twins?"
"Yes," replied the census man.
"And they told me their ages without
"Oh! Then I'm just as old as they
are!" snapped-Miss Krab.
A smile played round the mouth of
the census officer. Then he took out
a notebook- and wrote: "Miss Krab4
spinster; as old as the Hills."
o o i
A school inspector was testing a
class' powers of observation. 'He
made sure that the class saw that he
had a gold-mounted fountain pen in
his waistcoat pocket -plainly display
ed. Then he left the rostrum, retired
to an ante-room, and there removed
the fountain pen to an inner pocket
Returning, he stood with his coat
thrown back and bis vest displayed
"Now, boys," he said, "tell me what
I have forgotten."
-There was a long pause, and then
a small voice piped up:
"Please, sir, you forgot to say "Ex-
cuse me' when you walked in front
of the teacher."
Hall What are you doing now?
Gall Oh, I'm making a house-to-'
house canvass to ascertain why peo
ple don't want to buy a new jpatenfj.
. tjihr wv.. '