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Newspaper Page Text
SOME DIAMOND Old Joe Johnson, after liis short holiday in New'York, returned to the farm full of conceit and self-importance, and, by the way, wearing a scarf-pin which contained a "dia mond" of magnificent proportions. His farm hands one and all gazed at him with amazement. Then Jim Timkins, shading his eyes from the glare of the glittering bauble, ven tured timidly to ask: "I say, guv-nor, be that a real dia mond?"; Joe Johnson looked at the ques tioner with" scorn, "Real diamond, indeed! Of course It is! Anyway," he added, discretion at last getting the'better of his anger, i'it ,it ainie I don't mind saying I've been done out of two dollars." Master Don't yoy'ever sweep un der the carpet? Servant Yes, sir; I always sweeps everything under the carpet! THEN SHE TOLD HIM Miss Krab as her name, perhaps, might lead one to suppose was a maiden lady of uncertain age; and, poor woman, like many of her kind, not yet had she realized that her days of blushing coyness now were pass ed. In fact, she still cherished the fond illusion that years had left beau ty unimpaired, and that, in due course, some gay cavalier would v come to claim her hand Then one day, instead of the gay cavalier, came the census officer to make inquiry on those very subjects which were forbidden. Miss Krab was greatly wroth. "Have you seen the girls next door," she asked "the Hill twins?" "Yes," replied" the census man. "And they told me their ages without a murmur." "Oh! Then I'm just as old as they are!" snapped Miss Krab. A smile played round the mouth of the census officer. Then he took out a notebook and wrote: "Miss Krab spinster; as old as the Hills." l o o . HE KNEW! " A school inspector was testing a class' powers of observation. He made sure that, the class saw that he had a gold-mounted fountain pen in his waistcoat pocket plainly display ed. Then he left the rostrum, retired to an ante-room, and there removed the fountain pen to an inner pocket. Returning, he stood with his ccat thrown back and his vest displayed penless. "Now, boys," he said, "tell me what I have forgotten." There was a long pause, and then ' a small voice piped up: "Please, sir, you forgot to say "Ex cuse me' when you walked in front of the teacher." o o -. Hall What are you doing now? Gall Oh, I'm making a house-to-house canvass to ascertain why peo ple don't want to buy a new patent , clothes-wringer! t vs ,! .aCiV&fr