Newspaper Page Text
Old Joe Johnson, after liis short
holiday in New'York, returned to the
farm full of conceit and self-importance,
and, by the way, wearing a
scarf-pin which contained a "dia
mond" of magnificent proportions.
His farm hands one and all gazed
at him with amazement. Then Jim
Timkins, shading his eyes from the
glare of the glittering bauble, ven
tured timidly to ask:
"I say, guv-nor, be that a real dia
mond?"; Joe Johnson looked at the ques
tioner with" scorn,
"Real diamond, indeed! Of course
It is! Anyway," he added, discretion
at last getting the'better of his anger,
i'it ,it ainie I don't mind saying I've
been done out of two dollars."
Master Don't yoy'ever sweep un
der the carpet? Servant Yes, sir; I
always sweeps everything under the
THEN SHE TOLD HIM
Miss Krab as her name, perhaps,
might lead one to suppose was a
maiden lady of uncertain age; and,
poor woman, like many of her kind,
not yet had she realized that her days
of blushing coyness now were pass
ed. In fact, she still cherished the
fond illusion that years had left beau
ty unimpaired, and that, in due
course, some gay cavalier would v
come to claim her hand
Then one day, instead of the gay
cavalier, came the census officer to
make inquiry on those very subjects
which were forbidden. Miss Krab was
"Have you seen the girls next
door," she asked "the Hill twins?"
"Yes," replied" the census man.
"And they told me their ages without
"Oh! Then I'm just as old as they
are!" snapped Miss Krab.
A smile played round the mouth of
the census officer. Then he took out
a notebook and wrote: "Miss Krab
spinster; as old as the Hills." l
o o .
HE KNEW! "
A school inspector was testing a
class' powers of observation. He
made sure that, the class saw that he
had a gold-mounted fountain pen in
his waistcoat pocket plainly display
ed. Then he left the rostrum, retired
to an ante-room, and there removed
the fountain pen to an inner pocket.
Returning, he stood with his ccat
thrown back and his vest displayed
"Now, boys," he said, "tell me what
I have forgotten."
There was a long pause, and then '
a small voice piped up:
"Please, sir, you forgot to say "Ex
cuse me' when you walked in front
of the teacher."
o o -.
Hall What are you doing now?
Gall Oh, I'm making a house-to-house
canvass to ascertain why peo
ple don't want to buy a new patent ,
clothes-wringer! t vs