Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
- " - CbOD ADVICE
Some" time ago an Irishman pre
sented himself before a judge to seek
TWo A ri na "
TrX' "Sorr." he Said. "I ianes hens in
kLmjr cellar, but th' wather pipes is
Durstj.an mi nens is an arownaea.
"Sbrry I can't do anything for
trvnit " enirt tha hirtrra "Vnn Vinri hotter
alppiy to the water company."
1 A fflw rlftvft la tor Pat nain un
"Well, wjiat now? What did the
wrater- company tell you?" queried
4VThey tould me, yer honour," was
khe reply, "to kape ducks."
' IT'S IN THE NUMBER
Mike was passing the golf links
whena golf ball hit him in the eye.
Enraeed. he Bald thiners to the enlfer'
laWhat's the matter with you?" yell-
(Lthe golt fiend, "when I cry 'fore!'
you should get out of the way."
Fore Ib It? Then when I cry
ffffoive-,' it means you're going to get
la whack on the noise, 'foive!' "
V t .
) ta r no, ossie"
NOT EVEN SKIN DEEP ,
Things had altered since Clara and
Clarence had been made one.- When
they were engaged Jie had been furi
ous if anyone had gazed at her; now
he was enraged because nobody did.
"Not a soul ever looks, at you
twice!" he grumbled. "I can't think
why I married such a fright!"
"Why should anybody look at me
when they) see you with me?" asked
Clara. "Unless they looked in pityl
You keep a few' yards behind next
time we are out, and see what hap
So Saturday afternoon saw Clara
walking proudly down the High
street, while Clarence tagged along
behind. With mixed feelings he no
ticed how everyone looked at his
wife, some even turning round to
stare after her. Eventually, pride
overcame everything else, and Clar
ence hurried to hls wife's side.
"Darling, I take 'back, all I said,
You were right and I was wrong
In his excitement he failed to no
tice Clara removing a large, false
Bedell and Wilkinson, on a trip
through France, were dining together
at a Paris restaurant Mr. Wilkin
son persisted in ordering and asking
for everything he wanted In doubtful
French, while Mr. Bedell persisted in
offering explanations that were in the
nature of criticisms. At last Mr.
Wilkinson's temper rose to explosive
"Will you," he said in English, "be
as good as not to interfere withme
in the use of my French?"
"Very well," retorted Mr. Bedell,
"I simply wanted to point out that
you were asking for a Btaircase when
all you wanted was a spoon."
o o '
"Pa, what does the teacher mean
by saying I must have inherited my
temper?" "It means, son, that you
are your mother's own boy, ' Judge.
M&t&2&z&5- 1 i
. -,- --"iAW". --!' ,i-Hnfy