Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
3 I ---
JTYOU 7 I AM THROWING
, yjTODING? OUT A ROCK. "DISS
iWL- I COAL ISS ALU
fl T MIXED ili MIT
Sk BOULDERS. J
? 'What's -wrong at your house?"
tasked the,mqulsltive neighbor. "You
.haven t a trouDiesome ooaraer, nave
3qu? I notice the police Tieep coming
tS'your door several times a day.".
No," replied the tenant with, a
shake of his head, "not that My
-wife, being afraid of burglars, bought
a police whistle. My little Percy has
hooping cough, and yesterday he
auowea tne wnisue.
rjo "Yes, but about tne ponce?"
I "why, now, whenever he coughs
he policeman on the beatcomes on
axe run to see what's the trouble!"
"You can't joke with a woman. I
Remarked to my wife last night that
4-wisnea someone wouia invent nooK-
1rt niwrma "Wall Trlilllinnntmof'l
-COO &J VI UB I f wax, rrMu iiajiJGUC
e said my remark reminded her
t there were a couple of "fcownless.
iks ih hef wardroBe. and now I'm
ior'a big dressmaker's bill! .
Into the railway station restaura'':
walked a burly traveler, clad in roug I
tweeds. He was evidently in a hurry,
and ordered cold beef, which wad
brought without delay.
Seeing a dish of potatoes before
an immaculately clad gentleman of
the knutty persuasion, he requested
him. to pass them down the table.
This the gentleman made no effort
to do. Instead, he focused, with the
aid of a gold-rimmed monocle, a
stony glare on the newcomer.,
"Er did you take me for the
er waiter?" he 'drawled.
By' way of an answer the burly
one called the waiter.
"I say, waiter, I'm awfully sorry.
I really must apologize for mistaking
that person over there for you. Can't
think how I came to do it However,
it was all a mistake, and I hope you
won't be annoyed about it Now, if
you'll have the goodness to bring
those potatoes round this -way, I'll
get on with my meaL" v
The curate of a fashionable church
was endeavoring'to teach the signifi
cance of white to a Sunday school
"Why," said he, "does a bride in- 4
variably,desire to be clothed in white
at her marriage?" As no one answer
ed he explained. "White," said he,
"stands for joy, and the wedding da
is the most joyous occasion of a
A small boy queried: "Why do t i
men all wear black?" N. Y. World.
o o 5
The Irishman was relating to some
friends in Glasgow how one night on
retiring to bed he fancied he saw a
ghost, and having a revolver handy
he fired at It Next morning he ex- "
amlned the object vhe had shot and
discovered it to be his shirt "What
did you do then?" exclaimed one ci
the company- "Bedad, I just thank
ed Heaven I wasn't inside ov it,' re
plied Pat ' ..