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Newspaper Page Text
to show how sore he is, he acts as if
I've been fixed by the defense. The
"Are you sure this man did. not
try to influence you yesterday after
court?" he roared, pointing to him.
Oh, of course I was sure.
"Aha," he went on, "what did this
defendant, Mockorange, say to you?"
'I did answer real snippy. "That's
my business!" I said. Plainly and
firmly I told him it was nobody's
business but my own. Anything re
garding the diabolical machinations
of the parsnip monopoly, I stated, I
was glad to tell. But as to my nrivate
affairs, no not that It was more
than the world had any right to.
"I dbn't have to answer, DO I,
your honor?" I appealed to his nibs,
"Unfortunately, you do," said the
judge. He was one sour-faced old
The best he could offer was to let
me postpone answering tilltomor
row. Bum comfort that.
HOW MANY BABIES?
That Detroit parson is right who said every mated couple should have
at least four babies two to replace the old folks, one to offset natural
losses and one as a net increase of population.
Notice he said "at least" Where love and health and comfort dwell,
as they ought in every home, four babies wouldn't be enough, because the
more the merrier. When you grow sweet corn in the garden, you plant for
early, middle and late crops, so that the table will be supplied throughout
summer and fall. Well, oughtn't it to be that way with babies? Can you
think of a finer or more interesting thing than a row of bright-faced chil
dren, ranging downward, Tike a step-ladder from the grown boy or girl to
the dimpled, smiling toddler?
If this old world were running on an even keel and if its passengers
were living normal lives, that's the kind of family you'd find most common.
Instead of which, it's coming to be almost a curiosity. Everywhere you
turn, race suicide stares you in the face. Taxes on bachelors, pensions for
mothers, premiums on extra babies and exhortations to parents not to shirk
grapple with the high cost of living, the rush toward flats and the revolt of
woman in a bitter struggle to see if there areto be enough births to match
And, in spite of the good work of the doctors, the deaths are gaining.
That's because we've overcrowded the property deck of the good ship
earth andmade by far too many sacrifices -to the golden calf.
By and by, when we've re-distributed prosperity and given common
folks a fairer show, when the ship has righted itself, you may be sure there'll
be a return of big families. For there's no crop like the baby crop and no
fun equal to watching it grow.
ALWAYS IN IT
Mr. Fuss (furiously) It's mighty
strange you can't look after things
a little better! Here I want to shave,
and there isn't a drop of hot water
Mrs. Fuss (icily) It is strange!
Why, that's the one thing I've never
been out of since I married you!
The Igorbts in the Philipines have
tobacco smoking down to a science
of economy. Old man Ig' rolls a cigar
that looks like an pld-fashioned
plum pudding, about 15 inches long
and 5 inches thick. He smokes it
for an hour, then Mrs. Ig and all
the little Igs take turns. By the
fourth day it is usualy reduced to a