THE CONFESSIONS OF A WIFE
That old platitude about the Unex
pected always happening proved true
in the case of my wedding. I had al
ways had the picture of myself after
the very, very solemn ceremony, be
ing taken in Dick's arms in a kind of
a tearful tableau after that picture
"At last we are alone."
It was nothing of the kind. In the
for the last eight weeks that he had
no time to tell me anything else.
"All over," whispered Dick's
brother, "ready, wheel, march."
"Great Scott, man, get into step,"
was John's next agonized command.
Both of us tried to change our step at
"There you go dancing a schot-
tische," said John as Dick clasped my
first place, my wedding was not sol- . arm and held me a moment while he
cjuu. ucuauac ui uiv etuiv muiums, Huiiistfin nis sren lo mine.
taxi ride with Dick I slept late and
had to dress in an awful hurry. I
took one look at myself after I was
ready and I never looked so ugly in
my life, but I hurried to the church
and found Dick waiting.
"Gracious, Madge," Said he, "that
organist has played '0, Promise Me'
so many times that I am ready to yell
at him 'I'll promise you anything if
you'll cut it out.' "
Then he rushed round to the ves
try door with his brother (who was
his best man) to meet me at the
The wedding march started, the
ushers and bridesmaids swung into
step when I noticed that Angie May
wood's dress was not buttoned up en
tirely in the back! Nothing could be
done, but all thought of anything
else slipped out of my mind.
Some way I got to the altar and
then I had a confused idea of answer
ing "I do" and "I will" while all the
while I was thinking that the minis
ter's collar didn't fit!
As Dick slipped on the ring his fin
gera trembled and he was as pale as I
I only heard distinctly one sentence
of the whole service: "With all my
worldly goods I thee endow," and
then my mind trailed off into specu
lation as to whether Dick had- any
He had told me he got a fine salary,
but that was all I knew about it. He
had been so busy making love to me
As we stood in the vestibule wait
ing for the motor to take us to Dick's
mother's, where the reception was to
be held, I heard Dick murmur to
"I'm glad this foolishness is over
never again a big wedding for me."
"I hope not, Dick,"-1 said demure-
lyand then, for the first time in days,
we both laughed and I began to tmnK
that perhaps marriage was .not go
ing to be so terrible after all.
He whispered, "never mind, my
girl, we'll be out of this in a few
hours and then "
"Hurry up, Dick," shouted John, as
he fairly pushed us into the waiting
If I ever have a daughter I shall
try to save her from a big wedding.
The next two hours were torture. My
new white slippers were too tight, A
hairpin, which I could not get at un
der my veil kept prodding my head
and I had to be kissed and mauled by
about 300 women.
At last I got away and changed my
dress for our trip.
We were deulged with rice and con
fetti which stuck to my broadcloth
frock and last, just as we drove away,
an old shoe hurled with splendid aim
by Dick's nephew, struck-him on the
And for the first time I heard Dick
I wonder what it is makes Ameri
cans cover every solemn and sacred .
thing in life with ridicule. You never.-
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