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Newspaper Page Text
I . W iD&A WASS "CBS' SHOULT
STOP ME Tf?OK TAKING TfcR
I BM.U THROUQtt X3EM. 1
J AQSROACHEO T&EM CABlOLV
At breakfast time Mrs. Brown
talked enthusiastically of a widely-
advertised fire sale. That evening
when her husband came home he
looked at a number of bundles which
were lying on the table, and asked:
"WpII Mnhpl wint AM vrrn finrt at
iA ..that wonderful fire sale?" "Oh,
!""It iXtnil T rrnt anma nt tha lnvolloot- o?11r
rt tt-i ." fe" aJHls V lA 4UVAll,0b UA
-stockings at 25 cents a pair! There
jfen't a thing the matter with them
except that the feet are burned off!"
jx ouiimdlc rLMuc ryn nim
a iono mqmer aaa Dorga a tea-
party for something over twenty
minutes by expatiating upon the
inanv and incomparable virtues of
4 her son, aged six. At last she took
"his hand and rose. I must be off
mow," she explained, "I am taking
rmy aear ooy to tne zoo. "un, are
you? said one of Her hearers -who
had suffered too long. "We are send
ing ours to Michigan College!"
NOT PREPOSSESSING .
A prisoner brought up in a crim
inal court on a serious charge was
not represented by a lawyer. "Who is
your lawyer?" asked the judge. "I
have none, sir," replied the prisoner.
"Why not?" asked the judge. "Be
cause I have no money to pay one."
"Do you want a lawyer?" "Yes, sir."
"Well, there are Mr. Woolson, Mr.
Eddi and Mr. Refers," said the judge,
pointing to several young attorneys
who were in court, "and Mr. Allen is
in the hall." The prisoner looked at
the barristers, and, after a critical
survey, he turned to the judge and
said, "If I can take my choice, sir, I
think I'll take Mr. Allen!"
o o -,$
The teacher was addressing his pu-
pils on the subjects of laziness and
Idleness. He 'drew a terrible picture
of the habitual loafer the man who
dislikes work and who begs for all
"Now, John," said the teacher to
a little boy who had been very in
atttentive during the lesson. John
was instantly on the alert "Tell me,"
continued the teacher, "who is the
miserable individual who gets
clothes, food and lodging, and yet
does nothing in return."
John's face brightened.
"Please, sir," said he, "the baby."
HANDED HIM ONE
The lawyer was on one occasion
conducting the defense of a person
charged with cattle-stealing, and was
pressing a witness in cross-examination
to ascertain how far he was
away from the animals at a certain
"How could you tell they were
beasts?" he asked.
"Because I could see 'em!"
"And how far off can you tell a
Witness looked calmly at the law
yer, and said, "Just about as far as I
am from you!'