Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
-4 WFWffUft1 I i" '"WmwnnwiB I
MADNESS WITH METHOD
"You must either drink hot water
with your whisky," said a doctor to
-a married man who came to him for
advice, "or you mustn't take it at
all." "But how shall I get the hot
water?'' asked the patient "My wife
won't let me have it for whisky."
"Tell her ypu want to shave," the
doctor said. The next day the doctor
called, and asked how the patient
was. "He's gone raving mad!" his
wife replied. "He shaves every ten
WHAT DID HE MEAN?
' A countryman who had been hen
pecked all his life was about to die.
.His wife felt it her duty to offer him
Such consolation as she might, and
"John, you are about to go, but I
will follow you."
"I suppose so, Mandy," said the old
Tnan, weakly; "but so far as I am
concerned you don't need to be in any
hurry about it."
. U hbe Jdszr jv
A " r- ( T SHOULT BE
' 71 PI ' V CAREFUL rS-
LOVE YOUR ENEM'ES, BUT
An Irish priest had labored hard
with one of his flock to induce him
to give up the habit of drinking, but
the man was reluctant.
"I tell you, Michael," said the
priest, "whisky is your worst enemy,
and you should keep aB far away
from it as you can."
"My inimy, is it, father?" respond
ed Michael. "And it was your river
ince's silf that was tellin' us in the
pulpit only last Sunday to love our
"So I was, Michael," rejoined the
priest; "but was I anywhere telling
you to swallow 'em?"
o o I&8!
A number of persons were talking
about telescopes, and each professed
to have looked through the "largest
One in the world." One after another
told of the powerful effect of the re
spective telescopes. At last a quiet
man said, mildly:
"I once looked through a telescope.
I don't know as it was the largest in
the world. I hope it wasn't But it
brought the moon so near that we
could see the man gestulating in it
wildly and crying out: TJon't shoot
don't shoot!' The old fool thought
it was a big cannon that we were
pointing at him."
, o o
A newspaper published in Ohio
sent put a numher of blank forms to
local farmers, asking for occasional
reports on agricultural matters. One
of the forms was recently returned
with the following scnbbed on it in
pencil: "All we've got in this neigh
borhood is three widders, two school
ma'ams, a patch of wheat, the hog
cholera, too much rain, about fifty
acres of taters, and a fool who mar
ried a cross-eyed gal because she
owns eighty sheep and a mule, which
the same is me, and no more at present!"