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NO JOB RDR. ALPHONSE!
Alphotise, recently arrived in Lon
don from the sunny south of France,
sought his friend Hodge in great dis
tress. "Ah, mon ami, tell me queek'what
is heem you Eengish call' 'a pole
"Polar bear, you mean, old feller,"
said Hodge, with an indulgent smile.
"Oui oui! What is heem?
"A big white bear that comes from
the Arctic. Its home is on the ice,
and it lives mostly on fish."
"I no do that. I weel not do it!
"You do it? Why should you, my
dear feller?" asked Hodge.
"Ah, mon ami, a man where I live,
he die. They come to me and say,
will I be a pole bear for him. But
no! To live on ice and eat fish it is
too much. I will not do it. Nevaire!"
Father Knowledge, my boy, is
better than wealth. Son Ye-es, but
'pon my word, d'you know, I think I
prefer the inferior article!
TAUGHT A LESSON
A certain class of shopkeepers try
to force their wares upon passersby.
A traveler determined to teach one
to these a lesson. The offender was
a clothing dealer, and "had a way of
almost dragging people into his place.
One day the traveler stopped for
a moment to examine a coat hanging
in front of the establishment, when
out darted the clothier, -who asked:
"Won't you try on one of those
"I don't know but I will," respond
ed the traveler, consulting his watch.
"I have some time to spare. Yes.
He went in; but no matter how
often he found his fit, he called for
more coats. Finally, when he had
tried on thirty or more, he looked at
his watch, resumed his own garment,
and walked out, saying as he went:
"Good day, old chap. I won't
charge anything for what I've done.
I believe in a man who'll oblige an
other when he can. If I'm ever this
way again, and you have any more
coats to try on, 111 do all I can to
QUITE A DIFFERENT MATTER
. "Why do you object to vaccina
tion?" asked the busy magistrate,
sharply, of the applicant for an ex
"It's" a -matter of conscience, sir,"
was the reply,
At that moment the clerk whisper
ed to the great man on the bench.
"Ah!" said his worship. "I am in
formed that you have a. brother in
the police force. Now, does he ob
ject to having his children vacci
"Very well; if vaccination is not
against your brother's conscience,
why should it be against yours?"
"Well, you see, sir, it doesn't exact
ly follow. Bill, as you're talking
about, has got neither children nor
.He got his certificate.