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HE HAD PROOF
Mark Twain, in the course of a
public dinner, talked of his pet aver
sion. "Christian Science," he said, "re
minds me of the apple cure for
drunkenness. In Hannibal, in my
boyhood, the apple cure was highly
esteemed. I remember once hearing
.e Hannibal town drunkard expati
ate on the apple cure.
You believe in it, then do you,
nlr?' n listener anlrpil
"Believe in it? How can I help
lelievin' in it?' the drunkard said,
Jejxcitedly. 'Ain't it cured me eight
& o o
4S& WANTS HIS'N
"What's the baby crying for now?"
','He wants his own way," answered
: "Well, if it's his," said the absent
minded man, "why don't you let him
ave it?" Punch.
SOUND IN THEORY
Pat and Murphy, since both h-,p
fallen in love with the same woma ,
became involved in a deadly feud.
There seemed to be only one way of
settling the matter a duel.
Pistols were agreed upon at
But when the stout Murphy saw
his lean adversary facing him, he be
gan immediately to raise objections.
"Bedad," he said, "I'm twice as big
a target as he is, so I ought to stand
twice as far away from him as he is
Pat's "seco.nd" treating this amaz
ing proposition quite seriously, and
for a long while stood, thoughtful
and puzzled. Then:
"There's no need for that," he said.
"Be aisy now. Ill soon put the mat
Taking a piece of chalk from his
pocket,, he drew two lines down the
stout man's coat, leaving a space be
"Now," he remarked, turning )
the other man, "fire away, ye spa.
peen, and remember that any hi.j
outside that chalk don't count!" '
ALL HE ASKED
They were standing outside the
front door having a final chat after
his evening calL
He was leaning against the door
post, talking in low, dulcet tones.
She was listening and gazing up rap
turously into his eyes.
'Suddenly she turned round. The
door had opened; and there,' just ir
side, stood -her father, clad in a dress
"My dear father," she asked, "what
is the matter?"
Her dear father ignored' her ques
tion. "John," he said, addressing . Jthe
young man, "you know I've never
complained about your staying late
and I'm not going to complain now;
but, for goodness' sake, stop lean
ing against the bell. Other people
want some sleep, even-if you dou'tt"
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