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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, December 06, 1913, NOON EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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f;CONFOUND IT, YOU GOT YOUR I ll'1
SWERVE TO CALL ME UP AT V 7 ,
lAp'CLOCK JN DER ARNNG. ,, -,'
SJgTOlSS ISS NOT ADAlRViy1 .
: IN SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE
A little boy was once overheard
saying to his pet rabbit, "How much
is seven times seven?" There being
"ho response from the rabbit, the boy
-&SA, "How much is four times four?"
Still there was no response. "Now I
"will give you an easy one. How much
xjs two times two.'" stw tne rabbit
-reiusea 10 respunu. wen, saia me
jboy, "I knew father was fibbing when
he said rabbits are the greatest multi
pliers in the world!"
?' A PLAY ON THE PLANETS
T Two actresses engaged for the
IAV ,he leading actress was thin
$ame play were both beautiful; but
it u xne leaning atuesa wa luiii. iiiey
111.- -quarreled one day at rehearsal, and
JShe leading lady said haughtily, "Re-
'' Sxlember, please, that I am the star!"
I 7V T TrYvnr irnil'ro tVlA Dfor ' fVir
lOffilCO, X Z114V VT JJlil tUt OKU, lUt?
j jrather retorted, eyeing the leading ac
j.ess' long, slim figure; "but you'd
'- 35ok better, my dear, if you were a
A NASAL ENORMITY
An elderly churchwarden in shav
ing himself one Sunday morning
made a slight cut with the razor on
the extreme end of his nose. Quick
ly calling his wife, he asked her if she
had any court plaster in the house.
"You win find some in my sewing
basket," she said. The varden soon
had the cut covered. At the church,
in taking the collection, he noticed
that every one smiled as he passed
the plate, and some of the younger
people laughed outright. Very much
annoyed, he asked a friend if there
was anything wrong with his appear
ance. "Well, I should think there is !"
was the answer. "What is that on
your nose?" "Court plaster." "No,"
said his friend; "it is the label of a
spool of cotton. It says, 'Warranted
one hundred feet long'!"
"I hope, Giles," said a clergyman to
one of his parishioners, "you make a
practice of saving. There is nothing
like putting something away for a
rainy day." "Indeed, sir," answered
Giles respectfully, "I make it a rule
never to spend more than two-thirds
of my wages a week." "Ah, that's
the way that's the way!" said the
clergyman. "And I suppose the rest
of it you put in the savings bank?"
"Oh, dear, no, sir!" answered Giles
complacently. "The rest I gives to
the missus on which to keep house!""
A bootblack was puffing at the end
of a cigar when a gentleman, think
ing to have a little fun sX the youth's
expense, asked him if he always
smoked cigars. "Oh, yes, sir, pretty
often!" answered the youth. "What
brand do you generally smoke?"
asked the gentleman. " 'Robmson
Crusoe,' sir," replied the bootblack.
The gentleman pondered awhile. "I
never heard of that brand," he said.
"It's a name I've given 'em myself,"
said the youth. "You see, guynoi
old Crusoe was a castaway!" "