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Newspaper Page Text
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DAILY COMMENT ON PEOPLE AND THINGS
This morning's Trib said yester
day's county board meeting was ob
scene and profane.
Like everybody- else, we began
looking for the obscenity1 and pro
fanity. And all we could find was that Pete
Bartzen called Pres. McCormick
"Oscar." and asked him if he had his
powder puff with him.
That really was rude of Pete. He
shouldn t swear so.
In its headlines the Trib said that
McCormick "barely refrained from
pulling nose of Peter."
But, fortunately, Alexander did re
frain. Anyhow, he didn't pull Peter's
nose, slap Peter on the wrist, or even
make faces' at him.
Col. Morlarity voted with McCor
mick, as usual.
Moriarity did his own thinking at
a meeting not long ago and didn't
vote with Mac. TheNews immediate
ly slapped him on the wrist, and the
bravecolonel immediately became a
good Republican again.
The Republican papers feed Mor
iarity sugar when he's good and salt
when he gets naughty and votes with
Anyhow, Pete Bartzen has just
simply got to quit kickin' the Trib's
Cause if he don't, the Trib may sick
Max Annenberg on him.
Poor Andy Carnegie. The old cuss
is almost in danger of becoming a
According to newspaper reports,
Aridy has given away $36506,0,000,
and has only a little over $25,000,000
left, with which to support family:
Hey, you fellows in'the bread line
make way for Carnegie.
O, by the way, Bartzen, we almost
forgot to tell you McCormick's
name isn't Oscar; its Alexander.
That Telford case is simple
enough of solution. Forget it. The
man is doing well. Nobody will "suf
fer if .he isn't pinched again. Why
O yes, it makes a good newspaper1
story, but nobody would have been
hurt if the matter had never been'
Anyhow the Hub is doihg the hu
man thing in standing by Telford.
Other employers might profitably
keep the example in mind.
It was Andy Carnegie who said sev
eral years ago, that to die rich is to
But Andy can hardly convince St,
Peter he is poor if he hangs onto
And he won't have enough left to
buy a little heaven of his own when
he is barred from the real one.
The latest reports from Mexico in
dicate that Huerta is still soused,
drunk, pickled, pifflicated and defiant.
We haven't heard anything lately
from Gen. Willie Randolph Hearst's
standing army of 100 trusty bravos.
Gen. Hearst has declared war on
Mexico several times in his papers,
but President Wilson doesn't read the
Hearst papers, so the army forgot to
It might be well for Gen. Hearst
to call a council of war, and careless
ly discuss war plans with Happy
Hooligan, Silk Hat Harry, Mutt and
Jeff, the Katzenjammer Kids, Daunt
less Durham, Dr. Pjll and Arthur
Gen. Chili Con Carne and Major
Hot Tamale no doubt would gladly
join the board of strategy.
To avoid bloodshed the Mexicans
might be filled up with dried apples
and water, and the Hearst army of
invasion could wait while the Mex
were getting all swelled up on them
selves. In the meantime, the Pennsylvania
railroad offers to make some wonder- '
ful concessions to the city on that
One of the concessions is an offer
to pay for some of the' streets the
Pennsylvania is going to swipe.