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A MATTER. OF WORDS
Mr. Brown and Mr. Green were
taking their long-talked-of holiday itf
France. For three months Mr. Green
had been learning French by cor
respondence and thought he had
mastered the language.
One afternoon the pair went into
a cafe to have tea, and Green, who
always insisted on'doing all the talk
ing, gave the order to the waiter.
When, however, the tea things were
brought he noticed that something
was missing, and spoke angrily to the
-waiter about it r
"My dear fellow," objected Brown,
"what on earth are you saying?"
"Will'you kindly refrain from mak
ing your-absurd criticisms of my use
of the French language?" retorted
"Oh,- certainly!" answered Brown.
"Only it seems rather a waste of time
to ask thewaiter to bring you a stair
case when what you want is, a tea
SLIPPED ONE OVER
Two large orchards, side by side,
brought much profit to Farmer Tur
mut, and much trouble. For the or
chards were considered fair game by
the youth of the village, and two or
chards are harder to watch than one.
One day, looking from one orchard
to the other, Turmut sav a small boy
shin down a tree, ana, uttering a
word of warning to another imp still
up among the apples, ran off.
Turmut reached that tree in, rec
"Got yer this time!" he roared to
the boy almost hidden among the
leaves. "Come frown!"
Getting no answer, and not being
ill a hurry, he sat down and waited.
Time passed, and still he waited, un
til a servant brought him a note that
had just been dropped through the
letter box. He did not wait after he
had read it, as follows :
"Some peopja has apples,' some has
sence. You bin wotchin' a pare of
pants stuffed with straw, and we bin
gettin your apples from the other or
chard. Grate victory for sencei"
A WAY OUT OF IT
He was a poor man, but had been
obliged, at last, to call in the doctor
to attend his little girl. Her illness
had turned out to be a serious one,
and the doctor had' had to pay many
visits and leave a gqod deal of medi
cine for his patient.
Now, however, she was well again,
and her father 'stood in the doctor's
rooms, waiting for the bill to be made
When, at last, the account was pre
sented to him, he was. almost paralysed-
to see the huge amount he
"The small amount is for the medi
cine, and thelarge'one is for my calls
at jour house," said the doctor.
The nard-up father took out his
"Here," he said, "is the money for
the medicine. My my wife will her
self return your calls!"