Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
fiMMpJP'l) WW 'PIWJW''liril)WWlwyjlWl''W W"r "yWiWytfWBWw- , ""la
I a-hem! J
HE WAS A WAITER
Speechless with wrath, a little man
was ushered into the dock. An orna
ment of the police force had found
him loitering about and had arrested
him as a suspicious character.
"What were you doing at the time
of your arrest?" asked the police
"Simply waiting!" spluttered the
"What were you waiting for?"
"My money." '
"Who-owed'you the money?"
"The man I had been waiting for!"
"What did he owe it to you for?"
The magistrate took off his glasses
and glarett'at the prisoner.
"Do not jest with me," he said.
"Now tell me, have you a trade?"
"Of course I have!"
'Then what is it?"
"I eanfrny living waiting. You see,
I'm a waiter)"
RUBBING IT IN
He had taken and furnished &
small office, on the door of which
he had had inscribed, "J. Hard, Con
sulting Engineer." Underneath was
set forth that his hours of work were
from 10 to 6, but, so far, not a soul
had come to disturb them or to con
sult him about anything
Even the boy in the ofuce opposite
was openly contemptuous, and poor
Hard could not help feeling de
One morning he went out to lunch,
and, as usual, pinned a card on the
door and wrote on it" "Shall be back
in an hour." "-
On his return he found added to
these words, in a boyish scrawl,
A GENTLE HINT
An old fisherman on the first of
every month when salmon was in
season used to take a splendid speci
men to a gentleman who always gave
him a tip. One morning the gentle
man was very busy, and when the
old man brought the fish he thanked
him hurriedly and, forgetting his tip,
bent over his desk again. The old
man hesitated a moment, and then
cleared his throat. "Sir," he said,
"would you be so kind as to put it in
writin' that ye didn't give me no tip
this time, or my wife'U think I've
gone and spent it on rum?"
LOVE'S LABOR LOST
A young and enthusiastic golfer at
a dinner party started to enumerate
to his partner the details of a golf
match that he had been playing that
day. It was not until dessert was
brought in tlat he suddenly be
thought himself that he had been
talking all the time; indeed, the.
young lady at his side had not said
a single word during the progress of
the meal. "I am afraid I Have been
boririg you with this talk," he said, in
half apology. "Oh, no not at all!"
was the polite response. "Only, wha