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Newspaper Page Text
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NbU ACT TOO HASTY, OSGAfi.
YDO "SHOOIT BE MORPDlPLoMATie.
I tfAF 5OME0lKfiS PIQHT NOW VOT
"lb GIFE tOU. BUT 1 150WT
MANNER rH VIOH Mai) ASBROACH
ME. ISON'T UTO TO QIFE IT
To you VEN YOU HAF
WOKE -'EM UP
John Wesley was a preacher who
evidently found it difficult to con
dense his thoughts in a sermon of
short duration. On one occasion he
noticed that some of his hearers were
asleep. He stopped his sermon and
in a loud voice called out, "Fire, fire!"
There was instant commotion, and
some one shouted, "Where, sir,
where?" "In hell!" replied, Wesley,
with deep solemnity, "for those who
eep under the preaching of the
An old lady, after returning frorh a
visit to "the Zoo," announced that
she "always did enjoy a visit to the
Theological Gardens." A servant girl,
Fdescribing her master's illness, ex
plained that the "doctors held a con
solation and found that it was some-
hing eternal;" and a lady recently
emarked that when she was in Italy
ihe "saw many people in the garbage
f monks, with tonsils on their heads."
"This house to let-only couples
about to be married need apply," is
an enticing notice which attracts
many young people to the doors of
a pretty suburban residence. But,
strange to say, the occupancy of the
house never changes.
"I think you ask too much for your
villa, Mrs. W.," the next-door neigh
bor remarked to the owner a shabbily-dressed
widow. "You could let
it easily if you reduced the rent a lit
tle." "But I don't want to rent it," the
widow said calmly. "I am quite com
fortable here, thank you."
The neighbor's face expressed
"Don't want to let it!" she repeat
ed. "Then why do you put that -notice
in the window?"
"Well, you see, I'm a lonely widow,
with only myself to depend on, and
I'm obliged to eke out my tiny in
come somehow," the widow answer
ed, confidentially. "So I write dow '
the names and addresses of all your,
couples who call, and sell them at a
fair price to a firm of cheap house
furnishers." ' j-y ,
HARD ON SAM
The screams which were issuing
from the little house were hqart-rend-
ing. It seemed as if a terrible tragedy
must be in progress, and an anxious
knot of people gathered in front Oi
the house and wondered why some
one had not sufficient courage to ea
ter and rescue the victim.
At last an unconcerned youth came
out of the front door, whistling, and
one of the spectators buttonholed
"What's going on in your house?"
he aBked. "What's the meaning of
those fearful screams?"
"Eh?" said the youth. "Ohr that's
Sammy! You see, while he was play
ing in the pantry this morning he
knocked the jar of molasses off the
shelf onto his head, and now moth
er's combing his hair that's all!"