Some time ago a ram was awak-
tened in the night to find his wife
My darling! he exclaimed, wnat
is the matter?"
"A dream!" she gasped. "I have
had such a horrible dream."
Her husband begged her to tell it
to him, in "order that he might com-
b.fort her. After long persuasion she
swas induced to say this:
"I thought I was walking uown the
TtJstreet, and I came to a warehouse
where there was a large placard,
-'Husbands for sale.' You could get
beautiful ones for fifteen dollars, or
even for twelve dollars, and very nice
booking ones for as low as one dol
The husband asked innocently:
"Did you see any thatTlooked like
The sobs became strangling.
''Dozens of them," gasped the
wife, "done up in bunches like as-
aragus, and soldfor 50 cents a
V ( HIM FOR J
HOW IT HAPPENED
A certain football club had receiv
ed its first reverse of the season.
This was the more galling when
the defeated ones reflected that their
conquerors had absolutely no preten
sions to "class," being, on paper at
least, the weakest team In the dis
trict. Returning to headquarters after
the match, there was oneman who
seemed to feel the defeatfmore keen
ly than anyone else. He was the
trainer of the team.
"How did it all happen, Ben:?" ask
ed a supporter who had been unable
to attend the match.
"Sudden!" growled the trainer.
"Yes; but how c?.me we to lose?'
"This way," replied Ben. "For
eighty-nine minutes out of the ninety
pur fellows had been showing the
spectators how to play football. Then
one of the other chfips pounced on
the ball and showed our fellows how
to score! That's all!"
Bill Hodg had been delighted
when he secured the job of "boots"
at a commercial hotel, and for the
firstUwo days his life passed smooth
ly enough. In fact, he thought he
had tumbled into a sort of perpetual
picnic after the rough life of a farm
But on the third morning things
started to go all wrong. As he sat
dejectedly shining his own boots, the
bell of No. 69 rang loud and long.
Bill hurried upstairs, to find a
furious old gentleman awaiting his
"Look here, you fool!" he roared.
"You've left one black and one brown
shoe outside the door!"
"Dear, dear!" said Bill mournfully.
"It's most extraordinary! This is the
second time that has happened tins
One fire in every four In New York
is of incendiary-origin-
, w W -.
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