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Newspaper Page Text
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OUT.TjEt haf rum out of
4 M i i
BEST TIME TO QUIT
5. XT GIVES toO A
TO PASS ON VOOC CHRIST-
A SOOT SfAOKE.
A wittv iutiee declared recentlv
that "a patriot was a man who re
fused to button his wife's blouse. A
martyr," he went on, "is one who at
tempts and fails, while a hero tries
"Then what is a coward?" asked a
''Oh, a coward," replied the judge,
"4s a man who Temains single so that
he won't have to try."
o o ''"
A solicitor called upon another
member of the profession and asked
his opinion upon a certain point of
law. The lawyer to whom the ques
tion was' addressed drew himself up.
know," he said stiffly.
'-'I generally get paid for what I
The questioner took half a dc-llar
from -his pocket and offered it to the
"Tell me all you know and give
me the change," said he. j
A gentleman was staying in one of
our large provincial towns, when he
heard that Mr. Moneyboy, his part
ner in business, was at another town
close by, so he rang up his hotej on
"Is Mr. Moneyboy there?" he in
quired. "No, he's not," came,the .response.
"WelL has he engaged-rooms?"
: "No.. We don't reserve rooms here;
first come, first served is our rule,"
came the sharp and. somewhat airy
He was rather taken back at the
lofty independence they seemed to
revel in in that town.
"Can you tell me," he?,asked, "if he
will stay with you whenvhe reaches
"It's possible he may. But we can't
"Look here," roared the irate gen
tleman, "you're the most impudent
jack-in-office that ever spoilt his
master's business. Go away and tell
someone who knows more about the
business of -the hotel to come and
speak to me."
There was a chuckle at the other
end of the wire.
"This isn't an hotel; it's the town
jail," said the voice.
The confused gentleman rang off
HE HIT BACK
A clever lawyer succeeded in win
ning his client's case and getting the
better of a rather bumptious barris
ter. The latter couldn t conceal his
chagrin, and, meeting his victorious
opponent in the smokeroom of the
hotel at which they were staying, he
remarked, in a loud and spiteful tone:
"Sir, is there any case too dirty
for you, or any criminal so much dyed
in crime that you won't defend?"
"No," said the other, In a quiet
tone. "What have you been doing
now?" rfjsL ,