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Newspaper Page Text
SHE MEANT WELL A gentleman who had the misfor tune to lose his nose in a shooting accident had occasion daily, on his way to business in Dublin, to pass an old beggar-woman, who invariably saluted him with the good-natured, But to him, incomprehensible prayer, "Hiven preserve your honor's eye sight." The gentleman, after vainly en deavoring, to suggest to himself a satisfactory explanation of the curi ous wish, one day put it to the old woman. "Why do you'' desire my eyesight preserved? There .is nothing, the matter with it." "Well, your honor," replied the beggar-woman, "it will be a bad thing "for. you If ever your eyesight gets ;$rake, for ye'll have nothing to rest iyour spectacles on." o o It must be trying on Johnny Rocke feller, Jr., to have to" take in all those naughty New York shows as censor. WHY WALK? 1 Toots was tearing over the roads in his new car the first he ever pos sessed feeling thoroughly pleased with himself and quite content with the world in general. Especially was he delighted with the latest thing in motor horns that was attached to his car. It was one of those choking-dog, get-out-of-the-way-quick-you-fool horns, one blast of which was guaranteed to freeze the brain of the most hardened yokel. But the man in the middle of the road, about a hundred yards ahead, was not to be frightened even by this abomination. "Hi!" he shouted, waving his arms. "Pull up! You're exceeding the speed limit!" "Nonsense!" retorted Jones; but he pulled up all the same. "May be nonsense, and it may not," said the man. "Anyway, you can explain that to the Mudford police." Mudford was seven miles out of the road that Toots wished to travel, but, secure in his innocence, he drove there in silence. When they reached the police sta tion the stranger stepped out, and said: . "Well, I hope the police will believe you. It wouldn't be any good me coming with you, as I'm not known In these parts. Good-morning!" o o UP AGAINST IT "How's the family?" a fond parent was asked. "Well, my children are at a difficult age how." "Difficult? Why, they've all passed the measles- and teething stage, have they not?" "Long ago. But you don't know a father's troubles. My children are a' the age where, if I use slang, mj wife says I'm setting a bad example, and if I speak correctly the kids think I'm a back number. Which would .you do?"