SHE MEANT WELL
A gentleman who had the misfor
tune to lose his nose in a shooting
accident had occasion daily, on his
way to business in Dublin, to pass an
old beggar-woman, who invariably
saluted him with the good-natured,
But to him, incomprehensible prayer,
"Hiven preserve your honor's eye
sight." The gentleman, after vainly en
deavoring, to suggest to himself a
satisfactory explanation of the curi
ous wish, one day put it to the old
"Why do you'' desire my eyesight
preserved? There .is nothing, the
matter with it."
"Well, your honor," replied the
beggar-woman, "it will be a bad thing
"for. you If ever your eyesight gets
;$rake, for ye'll have nothing to rest
iyour spectacles on."
It must be trying on Johnny Rocke
feller, Jr., to have to" take in all those
naughty New York shows as censor.
1 Toots was tearing over the roads
in his new car the first he ever pos
sessed feeling thoroughly pleased
with himself and quite content with
the world in general.
Especially was he delighted with
the latest thing in motor horns that
was attached to his car. It was one
of those choking-dog, get-out-of-the-way-quick-you-fool
horns, one blast
of which was guaranteed to freeze
the brain of the most hardened yokel.
But the man in the middle of the
road, about a hundred yards ahead,
was not to be frightened even by this
"Hi!" he shouted, waving his arms.
"Pull up! You're exceeding the
"Nonsense!" retorted Jones; but he
pulled up all the same.
"May be nonsense, and it may not,"
said the man. "Anyway, you can
explain that to the Mudford police."
Mudford was seven miles out of the
road that Toots wished to travel, but,
secure in his innocence, he drove
there in silence.
When they reached the police sta
tion the stranger stepped out, and
"Well, I hope the police will believe
you. It wouldn't be any good me
coming with you, as I'm not known
In these parts. Good-morning!"
UP AGAINST IT
"How's the family?" a fond parent
"Well, my children are at a difficult
"Difficult? Why, they've all passed
the measles- and teething stage, have
"Long ago. But you don't know a
father's troubles. My children are a'
the age where, if I use slang, mj
wife says I'm setting a bad example,
and if I speak correctly the kids think
I'm a back number. Which would
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