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Newspaper Page Text
VELb. "DEI?-QUICKEST i
VAV TO Vc AISN ISS
I TO FIND OUT!
' At a club meeting held in a public
; house in a small village a discussion
took place as to whether a hard or
soit substance would last the lonerer
The debate continued for some time,
until one man spoke up and said:
"Now, then, you are- all mistaken,
as I can easily Drove. When me and
my wife married she has as good a
set ot teeth as any woman could
have: now she hasn't eot' one. and
,her tongue is as good as .ever."
"Professor. I know mv bov is
Lrather slow, but in the two'ears
ttha't you have had charee of his edn-
pSation he must have developed a ten
dency m some direction or other.
fWhat occupation do you suggest as
-a possible outlet for his energies.
such as they are?"
"Well. sir. I think he is admirablv
fitted for taking: movine nictures of
MOST UNSATISFACTORY -
Poor old Aunt Elizabeth was a
martyr to rheumatism, and was con
sulting her nepherw, a newly-fledged
doctor, as to what she had better do.
She was a wealthy old lady, and
her loving nephew was most anxious
to make a good impression.
"You should try an electric treat
ment, aunt," he said. "Electricity is
life, you know, and it is especially
good in overcoming your complaint."
"Now, George, don't you try your
new-fangled ideas on me, because I
won't have it Electricity, indeed!
Stuff and nonsense! You know very
well that I was struck by lightning
only a few months ago, and it hasn't
done me a bit of good!"
' From the Emerald Isle, he was
looking for work, and so took his
stand in a group at the gate of a-large
engineering establishment. By and
by the .foreman appeared.
"Are there any drillers here?" he
"Yes," answered Pat, stepping for
He got his job at once, but had not
been working long at a machine
when it broke down.
"Where, man, did you learn drill
ing?" demandett'the foreman, In any
thing but a pleasant mood.
"In the militia," was the reply. '
There had been a missionary ser
mon and collection at a certain
church, and a little glrlwho accom
panied her father to theservice seem
ed perplexed and meditative.
When she reached home she asked
her mother whether the natives of
Africa, of whom they had heard, wore
"No," replied the mother, . "they
"Then," retorted the observant
young lady, "what was the use of the
button father gave to. collection?"