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Newspaper Page Text
The old man? -who acts as post
master is often accused of reading
the postcards that pass through his
hands. He denies it. A lady called at
the shop and' ordered a ham and a
cheese. Two days later the lady call
ed and asked why these two articles
had not been sent.
"Oh," replied the merchant calmly,
"1 saw by the postcard yo' got yes
tiday that yp' friends wasn't coming,
so I nachelly thought yo' wouldn't
A UCCU LX1C1I1 UllUgS.
WAKE THAT DOG
During a recent burglar scare in
a Yorkshire' town an eccentric old
man bought a dog that was warrant-
red a good house-guard.-
When he retired for the night, the
;dog was fastened in the kitchen.
" In the early morning a neighbor
went to awaken him, and heard the
fold man say to hia wife:
v "Get un. Bet, and waken that doe:
there's burglars in the house."
FINE FIRE '
She was a splendid servant, but s-' 1
didn't know anything about gas
cook with. So that she could see
how the gas stove was. operated, ho
lit each of the many burners.
While still explaining a message
called him from the kitchen, and- fie
left her, saying, "I guess you will find,
that it will work all right now, Mar
tha." He didn't see the cook again for
four or five days, then upon entering
the kitchen" he said:
"Well, Martha, how's that range
To his utter consternation she re
plied: " 'Deed, sir, that's the best stove
I ever did see: The firewhat you
kindled for me four days ago is still
a-burning, and it ain't even lowered
HE DIED ANYWAY
Claude Fleming, the famous bp -tone,
relates an amusing instance 1
"gagging" pn the stage in San Fran
cisco. "Die, villain!" the hero of the
drama said, and shot off,his revolver
at the villain's head.
But the gun didn't go off. Six times
the hero pulled the trigger, and not
a single explosion took place. The
audience was getting hysterical,
when the, victim struck an attitude
"Your pistol-has missed fire, Sir
Reginald; but what differendoes it
make? The thought that T was' to be
shot has frightened me to death!"
And he rolled over and died".
HIS IDEA OF IT
"George Washington" read the
small boy from his -history; "was bora
February 22, 1732, A. D."
"What does 'A, D.' stand for?" in
quired the teacher.
The small boy pondered. "I don't
exactly know," he hesitated, "After
dark, I guess." Ladies' Home Journal.