Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
. ' KEPT TAB '
L. frhe old msin whp acts as post
master is often accused of reading
the postcards that pass through his
hands. He denies it. A lady called at
Ithe shop and ordered a ham arida
Icheese. Two days later the lady call
ed and asked why these two articles
had n6t been sent. v
"Oh," replied the merchant calmly,
"I saw by the postcard yo' got yes
tiday that yo friends wasn't coming,
so I nachglly thought yo' wouldn't
need them things."
WAKE THAT DOC
urihg a recent burglar scare in
orkshire town an eccentric old
bought a dog that was warrant-
'-a eood house-guard.
'Wnen. he retired for the night', the
dog, was fastened in the kitchen.
Jh the early-inornihgr a neighbor
went to awaken .him. and heard the
oM man say to his-jvile:
KGet up, Bet, and waken that dog;
tttere's burglars in the house."
. fine re '
She was a; splendid servant, tjut slid
didn't know anything about gas tq
cook with. So, that she could see
how the gas stove was operated,: hq
lit each of the many burners.
While still explaining a message!
called him from the kitchen, and he
left her, saying, "I guess you will fine!
that it will work all right now, Mat?
He didn't See the pook again fo$
four or five days, then upon entering
the kitchen he said:-
"Well, Martha, how's that -range
To his Utter consternation she
plied: ' ',
" 'Deed,, sir, that's the best tstove!
I ever did see. The fire what you;
kindled for me four days ago is stfll
aHburning, ana it ain't even lowered
HE DIED ANYWAY l
Claude Fleming, Uje famous' barf
tone, relates an amusing instance o
"gagging" on the stage in San.Fran
"Die, villain!" the hero of .the
drama said, and shot off his revolve;
at- the villain's head. r
-But the gun.didn't go off. Six times
the hero pulled" the trigger, andf hbt
a single explosion took place. The
audience was getting hysterical,
when the victim struck an attitude
"Your pistbl has missed fire, Sir
Reginald; but what difference does-it
make? The thought that I was to be
shot has frightened me .to death!"
And he rolled over-ah'd died!.
o c "
HIS IDEA OF IT
"George Washington," read the
small boy from his history, "wafcborn
February 22, 1732, A. D."
"What does 'A. D.' stand for?" in
quired the teacher. ' s
The small boy pondered. "I don't"
exactly know," he hesitated. "After
dark, I guess." Ladies' Home, jour