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Newspaper Page Text
VELb. 1 60ESS I SOT
TO CATCH SOME BEES.
DISS LOOKS UKE
I IN THE MOVIES
By Fred Schaefer.
Policemen invariably swing their
clubs until something happens to dis
tract their attention from this pas
time. And then again, their feet
aren't large enough.
Bartenders are very prone to lean
on the bar with both elbows.. They
axe generally engaged in gosBiping
With-the kind patron who turns side-
says when drinking so you can see
'The most difficult nart nf a Rafp
jobbery is always pulled off in half
ne ume 11 lanes 10 suce a., cusiara
People invariably board trains
without saving the extra -fare they
would, save by buying a ticket.
The evidence secured in. a "third
idegree" is always instantaneously
A sharp-featured, determined little
woman popped her head out of the
door and indignantly demanded the
business of a bashful young man
who had been hanging around the
house for hours in a pitless down
pour of rain, hoping against hope thai;
his adored one would invite him in
"Now, then, young feller, what do
you want here? Tryin' to wear the!
pavement out, or what?" she de-
"I reckon I've come a-courtin' yomf
daughter," the shamefaced youth ad-
"Oh, ye're after Lizzie, are yer3
Then take my advice, young man, an
run away anMose yerself. My ga
ain't goin' to marry a chap that ain't '
courage to knock at the door an'
for her not likely!
"Why, when my . husban' camd
a-courtin' me and found the doo
locked, he climbed the back-yard,
wall, strangled the bulldog, an
knocked the old man silly wi' a clump!
on the jaw. Then he grabbed hold
of my hand, and shoved a ring as
big as a cartwheel on my finger, anq
told me that the banns were pub4
lished last Sunday. That's the sortj
of husband I want for our Lizzie,
Not a shiverin' milksop that ain't got
sense enough to come in out of the
"I should like," he declared, "to
take every bottle of wine and every
bottle of beer and every bottle of spir
its and sink them all to the bottom of
A man at? the ' back of the hall
jumped up excitedly, sohutlng:
"Hear, hear! Hear, hear! Hear.
The lecturer paused in his remarks
to beam delighted approval.
"Ah, my friend, he said, "I can
see you are a good teetotaller."
"No, sir; I'm a diver," said the