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Newspaper Page Text
A BRAVE MAN
"This is one of my ancestors," she
said, pausing before a portrait. "He
fell at Waterloo. Have you any an
cestors?" r He suddenly remembered an uncle
who had -sole charge of the -front of
a "movie" show, and murmured, "Er
"Did he fall anywhere?"
"No; but I remember being told
how, clothed in full uniforni, but un
(armed save for a light cane, he kept
!a howling, surging mob at bay single-
o o 7
? WASTE OF POWDER
A man who had never been duck
hunting shot at a duck in the air. The
duck fell deafl to the ground.
rk "Well, you got him!" exclaimedVtlje
Jl amateur's friend.
"Yes." replied the amateur, "but I
mfght as well have saved my am
munition the fall would have killed
HE CAME BACK
A young Irish curate was preach
ing his first sermon, and chose for
his text the miracle of the loaves and
fishes. He was very nervous, and
read it, "And they fed five people with
five thousand loaves of bread' and five
Thereat one of his rustic hearers
murmured, loud enough to belieard:
"That's no miracle, begorra. I
could do that myself."
The curate overheard him, and so
on the following Sunday he announc
ed the same text, but had it right this
time: "And they fed' five .thousand
people with five loaves of bread and
bread and a few fishes."
He paused a second, and then lean
ed over the pulpit and said:
"Could you do that, Mr. Murphy?"
Murphy replied': "Sure, yer rever
ence, I could."
"And how could you do it," asked
. "Sure, yer reverence, I could do it
with what was leftf over from last
. THE VERY LAST
There had been a bad explosion in
a powder mill.
"How did it happen?" asked an
anxious visitor, after the accident.
"Well, you see, sir," replied the
foreman, "it was this way. Bill went
into the mixing room, probably
thinking of something else, and
struck a'match in mistake. He"
"Struck a match!" exclaimed the
proprietor in amazement: "I should
have thought that would have UeeiT
the last thing on earth he'd do!"
) "It was, sir," .was the calm re
joinder of the foreman. ,
Mrs. Baye She is simply mad on
the subject of germs, and sterilizes
or filters everything in the house.
Visitor How does she get along
with her family?
Mr. Baye Oh, even her relations