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1 CAN HARDLV L
BEL1EVE IT, RDOIjF.
YOU SURELY WOULT
NCfT POT HIM IN 3)EJ?E
Just becoss he iss
fUTTING A TOOTH?
IT ISS NOT
ADVISING THE SON
Little Johnny, who is of an inquir
ing turn, was having a quiet talk with
his mother. Johnny wanted to know
why Mr. Juggins married Mrs. Jug
gins. His mother wasn't able to tell
very clearly. Johnny thought a while,
and then asked:
"Mother, why did you marry my
"Johnny, I married your father be
cause he saved me from drowning,"
replied his' mother.
"I'll bet that's why dad's always
tellin' me not to go in for swimmin',"
o o v
DIDN'T DISTURB HIM
"I'm afraid the piano in'the parlor
disturbs you after you have retired
for the night," said the country
boarding-house keeper to the new
"Not at all, ma'am," replied ,the
newcomer; "you see, I'm a boiler
maker by trade."
QUESTION OF SPELLING
He had returned from a trans-Atlantic
voyage, and he let all the car
"Yes," he said, pompously, to the
old gentleman with the silk hat and
grey whiskers, who sat opposite, "we
had a most eventful trip. There was
a marriage on board, two deaths,
"Any births?" interrogated the old
gentleman, with a twinkle in his eye.
"No er no births," answered the
other, in a manner which indicated
that perhaps the old gentleman was
trying to "pull his leg."
"Dear me, that's very strange!"
exclaimed he of the grey whiskers,
rising as the car slowed up.
"What is strange?"
"Why, no births. I have crossed
forty-three times, and there have al
ways been births on board."
The pompous note in the new
fledged traveler's voice gave place to
a tinge of reverence as the other
mentioned the figures; but he asked:
"Well, what do you call a number
of births? Two, three, four, or "-
"No, indeed. Why, the last time I
crossed there were over five hundred,
"Babies! No, berths sleeping
berths. Here's my street. Good-bye!"
An officer of Yeomanry, in address
ing his troops, made a stirring allu
sion to the medals worn by some vet
erans in the ranks. One of the vol
unteers went home in a very thought
ful frame of mind, and the following
week appeared for drill with several
medals on his breast. Said one of his
"I didn't know you had seen ser
vice." "No, I, ain't," said the man.
"Well, how about the medals?
They can't be yours."
"Can't they? Aye, but they be.
Our old cow won 'em at the cattle