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Newspaper Page Text
DESERVED HIS TIP
A gcUloraan -who frequently vis
ited' Ireland generally stopped and
dined at the same hotelIn Cork.
On his arrival one day he perceived
a written notice on the looking-glass
in the luncheon-room, which ran as
"Strangers are particularly re
quested not to give any money to the
waiters, as attendance is charged for
in the bill." .
The waiter who had attended on
him at dinner, seeing him read this
"Oh, mister, sure that don't con
cern you in any way. Your honor was
never made a. stranger in this hotel."
A London cablegram says English
men are going to wear, slashed
trousers. Well, the Mexicons are al
ready wearing them in addition to
slashed ears and .scalps. New Or
I I. ( 1 THOUGHT V
A well-known clubman in the
smoking-room the other evening
gave some of his fellow-members a
picturesque description of the gout.
"You lie in bed," he said, "with the
gouty foot stretched out, and you
feel as though the sole of it was
pressed against the bars of a red-hot
fire. In the middle of the furnace is a
fellow with a gun loaded to the muz
zle with red-hot needles. Presently he
fires the gun at your foot, and you
feel the red-hot needles travel up
your leg and come out at the knee,
not all at once, but like the animals
went into the Ark, two by two. When
the last couple of needles have fin
ished the course you find yourself
sweating with fear, and wondering
how long it will be before the fellow
fires the gun again. Presently you
find he is under contract to fire it
every five minutes, and you get ready
for the discharge. But you can never
be said to get accustomed to it, be
cause the blackguard loads it with a
new kind of red-hot needle every
time, and sometimes adds half a doz
en red-hot cork-screws. That's the
It was the morning of the Sabbath.
As Sandy was making his way home
ward after attending kirk, the min
ister happened to overtake him.
. "Eh," said Sandy, "that was a pow
erful discourse on 'Thrift' ye preach
ed this morning."
The minister smiled benignly.
"A'm glad ye were able to profit by
it," was his gratified reply.
"Profit!" exclaimed Sandy. "Why,
mon, I would ha' put ma sixpence in
to the plate wi'out a thought but for
yer providential words. They saved
me fourpence there and then."
"More tough luck," whispered his
wife. "Well, what now?" he mutter
ed. "You know Miss Green never
sings without her music." "Yes."
"Well, she's brought her music"
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