Search America's historic newspapers pages from - or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the National Endowment for the Humanities external link and the Library of Congress. Learn more
title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, February 11, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
All ways to connect
Inspector General |
External Link Disclaimer |
SH-H-H ! COME
AT A3NCE - SOMEBO'DV
HA 36. -B0RIET
Ml?. SKYOACK To
Top OF HISS MEAD, r
"How's things, Sam?" asked Bill
Bailey. "Haven't seen you since you
started on your honeymoon."
"I s'pose they're all right. Bill," an
swered his friend, in a don't-really-mean-it
sort of voice. "I thought we
were going to be happier than we are,
"Why, what's the matter?"
"Well, here am I only married a
matter of five weeks, and my wife
jjs already badgering me for money at
very hour of the day. One time it s
ve dollars, another time two dollars
r else a dollar, but never less than a
ollar. She makes my life a regular
isery to me, and that's a fact!"
But what can be the meaning of
t, Sam? She was always such an
conomical girl that I can't think
hat she spends it all on. Where do
jtpu think it goes to?"
' "i naven't given ner any yet, out
jt's a nuisance, all the same !"
HE WAS SAFE
The proprietor of a menagerie is
. sued a placard offering twenty dollars
to anyone who would enter the cage
of the lion. Towards the end of the
performance a rustic walked up to
the lion-tamer and said:
"Sir, I have come to earn the twen
The audience was horror-stricken.
The tamer replied with a derisive
sneer, "So you want to go into the
"Of course" said the rustic.
"Come on, then. I will open the
trap-door for you and you can step
"Well, yes," answered the country-,
man, turning to the audience with a
brdad grin on his face, "I am going
in, but the beast will have to come
out first. You know the paper only
says anyone going into the cage shall
have twenty dollars."
THEY DIDN'T "BARK"
"Yes," said the loquacious sailor;
"that reminds me of the time when
we was up the Amazon. The mos
quitoes why, I've never seen such
things; they were really terrible.
They used to roost on the leaves and
Several tall stories had been flying
round that evening, but this one was
just a little bit too tall.
"Come, come! remonstrated one
of the party. "You don't expect us to
believe that, do you? Hang it all,
even we know that mosquitoes don't
"What do'you want to butt in for
before I've finished?" queried the
sailor indignantly. "What I was go
ing to say what that they'd roost on
the leaves and bark of the trees,.
But a well-aimed boot checked fur
Giggag I am a firm believer in tha
theory that liquor improves with age.
Wigwag Sure. The longer you keep
it, the better it is for you."