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TRUTHFUL PATRICK
During a certain battle the colonel
of an Irish regiment noticed that one
,-f his men was extremely devoted to
m and followed him everywhere,
" .1 length he remarked:
"Well, my man, you have stuck by
me well today.
' "Yis, sorr," replied Pat. "Shure me
mither said to me, said she, 'Just
(stick to the colonel, Patrick, me bhoy,
.and you'll be all roight. Thim col
'onels never gets hurted.' "
o o
NOT THAT WAY
. Bishop Creighton interviewed a
London vicar at St. Paul's Cathedral
and requested that he would abandon
the "se of incense, to which the vicar
attached most vital importance.
"You see, my lord, I have the cure
of ten thousand souls to minister to."
"Quite so," rejoined the bishop;
"but you don't wish to cure them
with smoke like so many kippers."
TOOK HIM DOWN
The son of a laborer had become,
as he rather too insistently affirmed,
"a gentleman." One day, having ar
ranged a dinner-party after his own
heart, he wrote to ask his brother,
who had also risen in life, to visit
him for the occasion. Now, the
brother was in no sense a snob, but a
quiet, gentle-minded scholar, who oc
casionally, as scholars will, absent
mindedly reglected the outward
adorning of his person.
Therefore, the one who called him
self the gentleman thought it neces
sary to beg his brother to bring bis
very best dress-clothes, and this re
quest he several times reiterated, say
ing that his guests were to be most
particularly "swell."
The scholar's life was rendered
blessed by a delicate strain of dry
humor. He answered the invitation
as follows:
"My dear brother As you have
laid so very much more stress on the
appearance of my clothes than of
myself, I fancy I shall best meet your
wishes by sending you my best dress
suit for the occasion. You will, there
fore, receive it per parcel post, car
riage paid, in plenty of time to be pre
sented to your friends at the dinner."
o o
FOR THE CYNICS
Wedderly I'd hate to have any
business dealings with Slyker. He's
too smart.
Singleton Do you mean to say
that you consider him smarter than
yourself?
Wedderly I certainly do. Why, he
had a chance to marry my wife but
he didn't. Top-Notch.
o o
OF COURSE!
The mistress was complaining to
the maid that the bannisters seemed
always dusty. "I was at Mrs. Brown's
yesterday ,and her stair-rails . are
clean and as smooth as glass."
"Yes, mum," said Mary Jane, "but
you forget that she has three small
boys."
