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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, February 25, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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- REFERENCES REQUIRED
"I have here," began the applicant
for a position, "a letter of recom
mendation from the, pastor of my
' "That's very good, as far as it
goes," replied the head of the firm,
J ''but we won't need your services on
Sundays. Have you any references
lrrom anybody who knows you the
rpther six days of the week?" N. Y.
A young woman asked the magis-
,trate for a separation from her hus
band, to whom she was married only
;hree months ago. She added:
"He is my second" husband. My
"first is doing time."
"Then this man is not your hus-
j-band?" asked the magistrate.
"Oh, yes, he is, was the reply. "I
was my first husband's second wife.
His first one is still alive. That is what
he is doing time for."
ON ELECTION DAY
"Is this the polling place?" said
Mrs. Slithers over the telephone to
Bumps' butcher shop.
"Yes, madame," replied the in
spector. "Well, I'm-Mrs. Slithers of 97 Gar
raway street. I just wanted to tell
you it is raining so hard just now
that I can't think of going out, so
will you please cast one straight
ticket for the Progressive party for
me? And while you are about it ask
Mr. Bumps to send me up four
pounds of liver, two" but bing went
the 'phone. Harper's Weekly.
Married at the end of summer,
only a couple of months before, and
now they already were quarreling.
"And to think," snapped the young
wife, "how palaverous and sweet you
were this summer! So popular at
Cottage City! Huh! Just for cur
iosity I'd like to know how many
other girls you made love to there
before you made up to me!"
The man buried his head in his
hands. "There were twelve," he
groaned, "but I didn't count 'em up
until it was too late!" N. Y. World.
The drummer was boasting about
the immensity of the firm he was
"J suppose your house is a pretty
big establishment?" asked the cus
tomer. "Big? You can't have any idea
of its dimensions. Last week we took
an inventory of the employes and
found out for the first time that three
cashiers and four bookkeepers were
missing. That will give you some
idea of the magnitude of our busi
ness." N. Y. World.
JUST AS GOOD
"Have you any five-cent cigars?"
"No," replied the druggist, "but we
have something just as good. Here's
a ten-cent cigar." N. Y. World.