Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
23S.' ' vfe 'I , , -jjC"
;- j. J?"
There was a terrible noise coming
from the direction of the dining-room
and the fond mother, alarmed, rushed
in. On the floor, her son, aged 10,
was "going through all manner of con
tQrtions somersaults, both back
wards and forwards. Bang, bang, he
"Willie! Willie!" she cried. "What
are you doing? You'll "
For a moment Willie paused in his
gymnastics. "Oh, it's all right, moth
erj" he gasped: "You see, I forgot to
shake my medicine before taking it
like you -always told me to. So I
hought I'd shake myself up as the
Ittmedicine was inside me!" '
v o O-:
TOP OFTHE PROFESSION
: "He is one of the' leading lawyers
p?'Gets pretty big fees, eh ? "
J'I should say so. Why, it is .almost
as cheap to buy a grand jury as to
HE NOTICED IT
The old gentleman had returned
to the home of his boyhood for the
first time in ten years or more, and
on the last occasion he had written
"and wife" after his name on the
hotel register. Of course, the keeper
of the little tavern was glad to see
him, and grasped' him warmly by the
"Ain't grown a day older than
when you was here last," he said.
"No?" said the old gentleman, half
"Not a day," returned the tavern
keeper emphatically. "Your " wife
seems to have changed more'n you."
"Oh, yes; leastways, she does to
me. Looks thinner than when you
was here last."
"Yes. She ain't near so fleshy as
she was, accordin'to my recollection.
Seems like she's taller, too; an her
hair don't look just the same to me,
an' an' "
"And," put in the old gentleman
softly, "she's not the same wife, you
A man went to a quack doctor for
treatment. He had a sharp pain In
ternally, and remarked that it might
be caused by his habit of sucking the
point of a lead pencil. The quack said
he was suffering from lead poisoning,
and' gave him some pills which, he
said, would cure him.
Next day the man came, back very
angry. "A friend of mine has exam
ined the pills you gave me," he said,
"and they are only bread.
"Of course they are," was the bland
reply. "Don't you know that bread is
the finest thing to remove lead pencil
marks with? You didn't want me to
give you india rubber bills, did you?"
"I think all married men are
beasts," -declared the wife. "They
are," replied the husband, "beasts of
burden." N. Y. World.