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Newspaper Page Text
IT VASS ONLVAKEY VINDEI5.
VATCH, BUT BV Solly, How I
I VISH I HAX IT BACK.
HER HAIR ON CROOKED
Clarice Oh, my dear, you would
disgrace yourself if you went out oh
the street the way you are.
Cerise Why, what's the matter?
You can't see through this dress, it
has no slit in it and my waist is cut
higher than the latest fashion.
Clarice Yes, but your left ear is
NOW THEY DON'T SPEAK
The discussion between the two
friends had become heated.
"But any. donkey can see that," re
marked one of them.
""That's where you have the ad
vantage," was the other's polite re
P MIS PI iVflR-
John (milking the cow) Have "a
idrink, Buddie? Buddie, 4' (watch
ing foaming milk in the bucket)
Yes, but I want strawberry flavor, j
Bill had naade a New Year's resolu
tion. He determined to try to get on
better with the foreman, who was a
bully and very unpopular. His wife
had urged him to take this step. She
thought it might materialize into a
raise in his wages.
As Bill walked toward the works
across the common he heard groans
issuing from the bottom of a disused
quarry. Looking over the edge, he
beheld a man clinging to a plant
about six feet from the edge.
Bill had not been to the "movies"
once a week for two years for noth
ing, and, with the help of his muffler
and a pair of braces, soon got the
man out. To his surprise, he recog
nized the foreman.
"Why, Bill," exclaimed that wor
thy, "you have saved my life! Tell
me what I can do for you! Just say
the word, and it shall be done!"
"Best thing you can do is to say
nothing about it,' mumbled Bill.
Oh, don t be so modest!
"It's not modest," said Bill. "If the
other fellows knew I'd pulled you out
of that place they'd jolly well kill
QUITE IN ORDER
Even the old professor, wrapped up
as he was in matters not pertaining
to this earth, could not help thinking
that something was amiss.
Descending the staircase, he way
laid a grimy-looking individual with
various implements in his hands.
Who are you? he asked.
"Are you working here?"
"Yes, sir. Little job of a "bust pipe."
"Is it possible that you make mis
takes in your work, my good-man?"
"No, guv nor; I bin at it a year.
"I suppose it is all right, then,"
sighed the professor. "Only I imagin
ed you might have made a mistake,
as the chandelier in the drawing-
ingroom is spraying like a fountain,
and the bathroom tap is on firel"