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Newspaper Page Text
L III 1 1 J i I 1 1 III 1 I II 3i&SiSV
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MORE WAYS THAN ONE
"What a horse!" said the villagers,
as old Farmer Stinge drove into the
little market town. "Why don't ye
feed the poor brute?"
"It's all skin an' bone, with a head
big 'nough for three nags!" said the
old hostler at the George Inn, as the
miserable looking beast was driven
into the inn yard.
"I must get him a new collar," said
Stinge to the hostler.
"New horse!" was the muttered reply-
"I said 'Of course,' sir."
A week later old Stinge went in a
fuming temper to the saddler.
"What dcr you mean by making my.
.horse's collar this size?" he blurted
"out. "It's too small! I can't get it
. -L 1. 1 Iff
"Over his head!" yelled the sa'd-
-waste? Man alive, it wasn't made to
eo over his head! Back him into it!"
HbR LUCKY FLUTTER
Mrs. Mufftup was a good old sort,
a comfortable soul. And, as she sat
in her cosy drawingroom, preparing
for forty winks after her substantial
lunch, the sight of a miserable, shabby-looking
individual furtively gazing
up and down the road arrested her
"Poor wretch!" she said, and in the
goodness of her heart extracted hnlf
a sovereign from her purse, wrapped
it in -a piece of paper on which she
had written "Never say die," and sent
her maid to hand it to the seedy in
dividual. "What did he say, Ann?" she in
quired, on the girl's return.
"He only said 'Right-ho!' ma-am.
"Strange!" muttered Mrs. M., as
she sought oblivion.
That same night the seedy-looking
one rang the bell.
"Here you are, missus," .he said,
pressing $20 on the astonished old
dame. " 'Never Say Die' won at 10
to 1, and you were the only one as
backed it. Happy to oblige any time,
Mr. Alexander Horner was married,
to a wife who kept him. Mr. Hor
ner was convinced that there should
be only one breadwinner in the fam
ily, so he had no qualms of con
science over the fact that his wife
slaved in the double part of char
woman and washerwoman.
One evening Mrs. Horner returned
home after a more than ordinarily
hard day, and found her lord and pro
tector in his usual easy chair before
the fire, atewhich he was staring
"What are you doing there, you
great lout?" asked the exasperated
"Just sittin' and thinking" came
the stolid reply.
This was too much for the tired
"Thinking!" she snorted. "What