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Newspaper Page Text
"VESS-SUREi ) F: r-E DISS ISS A p MORE WAYS THAN ONE "What a horse!" said the villagers, as old Farmer Stinge drove into the lttle market town. Why don t ye tfeed the poor brute?" "It's all skin an' bone, with a head big 'nough for three nags!" said the old hostler at the George Inn, as the miserable looking beast was driven into the inn yard. "I must get him a new collar," said Stinge to the hostler. "New horse!" was the muttered re- "What's that?" "I said 'Of course,' sir." A week later old Stinee went in a luming temper to the saddler. "What do you mean by making my Worse's collar this size?" he blurted' .out. "It's too small! I can't get it ver his head!" fe "Over his head!" yelled the sad- er. Do you think I've got time to aste? Man alive, it wasn't made to Syjfcso over hteheadl Back hira into it!" HER LUCKY FLUTTER Mrs. Mufftup was a good old sort, a comfortable soul. And, as she sat in her cosy drawingroom, preparing for forty winks after her substantial lunch, the sight of a miserable, shabby-looking individual furtively gazing up and down the road arrested her attention. "Poor wretch!" she said, and in the goodness of her heart extracted hnlf a sovereign from her purse, wrapped it in a piece of paper on which she had written "Never say die," and sent her maid to hand it to the seedy in dividual, "What did he say, Ann?" she in quired, on the girl's return. "He only said 'Right-ho!' ma-am. "Strange!" muttered Mrs. M., as she sought oblivion. That same night the seedy-looking one rang the bell. "Here you are, missus," he said, pressing 20 on the astonished old danie. " 'Never Say Die' won at 10 to 1, and you were the only one as backed it. Happy to oblige any time, lady!" o o AN IMPOSSIBILITY Mr. Alexander Horner was married ,to a wife who kept him. Mr. Hor ner was convinced that there should be only one breadwinner in the fam ily, so he had no qualms of con science over the fact that his wife slaved in the double part of char woman and washerwoman. One evening Mrs. Horner returned home after a more than ordinarily hard day, and found her lord and pro tector in his usual easy chair before the fire, at which he was staring blankly. "What are you doing there, you great lout?" asked the exasperated wife. "Just sittin' and thinkin'," came the stolid reply. This was too much for the tired woman. "Thinking!" she snorted, witht". - - What m