Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
BfOOK MORS UkfE A.CMCfcE-CAR.
HE RON SMOOTH?
YESS, LOOK HOVtf V.
( T6? ASPHALT VET, )
m SKiOS 3dyxx
WOMAN AND DOG
aog upon ner lap, wnue rioing in a
trolley car, asked the conductor if he
Would kindly tell her when they got
rto Hazel street.
After she had got up two or' three
times, the conductor told her to keep
her seat and he would let her know
when they reached Hazel street.
Finally he called out "Hazel
The woman held the dog up to the
window and said, "Fido, look! There's
iwTiere you were born!" Then, turn-
.ing to the conductor, she remarked,
fTm going to the end of the line."
A NATURAL IMPRESSION
Rosemary A French actress who
is touring this country says all men
Thomtqn She probably judges
tne entire male sex by her own press
The refreshment room waiter did
nqt believe in hurrying in fact, it
was a strict rule on that particular
railway that nobody should show any
haste, on pain of instant dismissal!
But a passenger who rushed in and
ordered some coldliam did not know
"Bustle along now!" he ordered.
"I've got to catch the three-ten, so
get a move on!"
The waiter, upholding the best tra
ditions .of the railway, strolled away
in 'a leisurely manner and disappear
ed through a door. That-was all that
Presently he returned with the
ham and set it down before the foam
ing passenger. Said the waiter, in a
comforting " tone :
"You need not be afraid of missing
your train, sir."
"Oh, really! Is it late? So much
the better, then. I can have a meal
"No, sir; it's not late, sir,"' said the
waiter, smiling. "It's just gone!"
Young Yeoman Thenmy dear, if
you are willing, we will be married at
once. But we will not live in the
close, crowded city. I will purchase a
little farm, and we will live on it and
be as happy as turtle-doves.
She And I shall be a farmer's
He Yes, my darling!
She How delightful! And what do
you think, John? You wotft have to
buy a milking stool for me, for I've
got one already.
He (in surprise) You have?
She Oh, yes, the prettiest you
ever saw decorated with handsome
plush and cherry-colored ribbons!
Father Now, what's the old hen
eating them tacks for?
Harry (just home from college)
Perhaps she is going to lay a carpet.
ifclagents. J udge.