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Newspaper Page Text
'S DEf? MATTER MIT SOT o&?
HE VANT A IHTRODUCTfOM
f ; IjS DEf? MATTER MIT SOT Do&? )
r ; fipEte- RATf
A SILLY QUESTION
The 'bus conductors were onstrike,
and at the last moment their places
were taken by all kinds of men anx
ious to make a little money.
These temporary officials did not
know much about conducting a 'bus,
and even less about conducting them
selves with civility, in spite of the
jfact that a large number of them had
nau tne advantage 01 a university
J- An. old lady boarded a 'bus at Pic-
Bcadilly Circus, and, after they had
pgone a iew yaras, asKea tne conduc
tor one" of the fallen stars:
"Conductor, do you stop at the
ERitz Hotel?" .
f ''No, ma,dani," came the reply;
not at present, tnat is to say i can't
THE MEDIUM .
"Is there any way of crossing the
GOOD CIGARS FREE
Wife How in the worldcan you
afford to buy those expensive cigars?
Husband I don't buy them.
"Dear me! You don't mean to say
any friend of yours is rich enough to
give you such cigars, do .you?"
"Well, no, not exactly. That young
man who has got so smitten with our
"No more than she is with him."
"He's an agent or something for a
big firm of cigar importers, and gen
erally has his pockets full of their
best samples. Well, after we go to
bed and the lights are turned down
he takes them out of his pockets and
puts 'em on the mantelpiece to
keep 'em from getting crushed, I
suppose. Then when it comes to
leaving, between the desire, to skip
out making any noise at such a late
hour and the pain of saying good
night to our daughter, he forgets all
about them. I tell you, my love, our
daughter has been a pretty heavy ex
pense, but she's sort o' paying for
herself now." Top-Notch.
The menu of a certain London res
taurant is a thing of wonder to
strangers. It contains several pages
of various dishes, all classified, most
ly with weird French names.
The country visitor eyed it up and
eyed it down, but could make noth
ing of it And the waiter stood silent
ly by his side. At last, in despair, the
diner dabbed his fihger in the middle
of one page, and said:
"Bring me some o' that."
"Qui, m'sieu!" replied the waiter.
"That-ees! mayonnaise dressing; sar."
"i know -that, my man,"; -snorted
the countryman. "I can read!"
"But, m'sieu," said the waiter
apologetically, "what will you have
The diner glared. "On a plate, of
course, you idiot!" he roared. "Do
you feed your guests in troughs at