Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
i "CONGRATULATE ME, ADOLFHl""!
1 1 At-VAYS SUSPECTET I" HAD
X jjabV-Ab BLOOD IN ME. SEE
J TDE(? RCStMBANCF
A celebrated doctor was sometimes
inclined to sleep in church during the
sermon, and a friend who was with
him in the pew one Sunday joked
with him about nodding now and
then. The doctor insisted he had been
awake all the time.
"Now, then," said his friend, "can
you tell me what the sermon was
"Yes, I can," said the doctor. "It
was about half an hour too long."
HAD TO BE
Little flv-year-old Bessie was tell
ing about some medicine she had
taken while ill.
"Yes," shesaid, "I took some com
pulsion of co'd-liver oil, and "
"You mean emulsion, don't you.
vdear not emulsion?" said the visit
"Well," rejoined Bessie, "there was
a good deal of compulsion about it" j
The man with the unkempt hair
and the roll of manuscript entered
the music publisher's office with an
air of assurance.
"I have here," he said, "a popular
waltz song that, ought to catch on
quickly this summer."
"That so?" wearily replied' the
music publisher. ' "I really haven't
time to have it'played over. A brief
description of your song will indicate
"Well, it has an original title,
"Oh," said the publisher, "that is
a fault easily remedied. But about
the rhymes in it. Do 'true and 'blue.'
and 'you' rhyme in the chorus, and
does it contain such phrases as T love
you so,' and 'Don't say no,' eh?"
"Why, no. I have tried to steer
clear of all such hackneyed expres
"Do you mean to tell me that you
have no line about 'the moon is
shinin' ' and an answering echo 'my
heart Is pinin' '? Doesn't 'eyes' con
nect with 'prize,' and 'skies above'
furnish an excuse for dragging in
'love'? Your song contains none of
"Why, no; this popular waltz song
is original "
"Original!" roared the music pub
Usher. "Do you want to ruin me?
I daren't publish such a crazy song!
WHERE'S THE FLEE
The superintendent of a Sunday
school was illustrating for the chil
dren the text: "Arise and take the
young child and his mother, and flee
into Egypt." Showing ftiem a large
picture, she asked.
"Now, isnt that splendid.' Here
is the mother. Here is the young
child. There's Egypt in the dis
The children, however, looked dis
appointed, and finally a little boy
"Teacher, where s the flea?"