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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, March 23, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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DISS ISS DER SOLUTION SEE EF
WO cm INQUIRE iTi 3)IT You
"EVER SUFFER "Ff?or
I EASIER. VON.
' J ( SURE, I HA
p5i V SUFFERED TtfOW
A lady gave him a glass of whisky.
After he had finished his glass, he ex
claimed: "Aweel, my lady, there was never
sic a thing in my young days."
"What," said the lady, in astonish
ment, "no whisky?"
"Plenty whisky, but never sic a
wee glass," replied Sandy.
It's a good thing to know when to
stop, but quite another thing to
take advantage of your knowledge.
First Critic Who was the hero of
Second Critic I was I went!
No, Maude, dear; there is no simi
larity about our mansions in the sky
and our castles in the air.
A woman entered a shop and, dis
playing a prosperous-looking pocket-
hook, said, "I want a good pianny for
"What style of instrument dp you
prefer?" asked the salesman, leading
the way to an upright.
"Nivir a happorth do I care about
shtyle, so4ong as it's a strorig case.
Have you any wid iron cases?"
"No, ma'am; 6ut all our cases are
made extra strong."
"How much is this pianny on the
"The price of this pianp is 100 dol
lars," answered the clerk. "The in
stalment would be $5 a month.
"Have ye got it insured?"
"Well, really, ma'am, the purchaser
usually insures the instrument; but to
close the bargain we'll insure this
piano, and agree to take all risks."
"Ye see, betwane me and you," the
purchaser explained, as she deposited
the .receipt for the first instalment in
her pocket, "I'm glad to be aisy about
the insurance, becaze I want to get
the betther of me ould man. He said
that if I brought a pianny into the
house he'd smash it wid an axe and,
faith, he's the b'y to do it!"
- o o
TO THE POINT
A certain lawyer who was noted
for his laconic style of expression
sent the following terse and witty
note to a refractory client who would
not comply with his reiterated de
mands for the payment of his bijl:
"Sir If you pay the enclosed bill
you will oblige me; if you do not I
shall oblige you."
Nuse Well, doctor, must we give
Doctor Not while he can sign a
ONLY A SKiPPER
Many a young husband thinks his
wife is the first mate until she turns
out to be a skipper.