Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
VER VAY, AfcQLH VOT'
FF5JND OF CRACKERS is
-AN OBJECT LESSON
, -A minister was addressing a school
class recently, and was trying to en
force the doctrine that the hearts of
the little ones were sinful and needed
regulating. Taking ' out his watch
and holding it up, he said:
"Now, here is Jjny -watch; suppose
it doesn't keep good time now goes
-too fast, and now too" slow. What
shall I do with it?"
"Sell it!" shouted the class in
unison. N. Y. World.
TO CAPITALIZE PROSPECTS
Mr. Rocks So you want to marry
my daugnter. wen, young man.
fahat are your prospects?
Young Man .hixceuent it you
don't spoil them. Judge.
"I enjoy your wife's playing. She
has such a delicate touch." "
JTTes, she gets that from practicing
"Man, you're a perfect, fool!
growled the officer, as, red of face,
he Btrode up to O'Grady, the new
recruit. "You're spoiling all our
"I'm doing my best, sorr," came
the hurt reply.
Bang, bang, went the reports of the
"Now, look here, my man, get
down and do your seven rounds on
No. 7 target, and there'll be trouble
for you if there is no improvement!"
Inwardly reviling the wild moment
that had prompted him to enlist,
O'Grady lay down to his task.
Apoplectic of feature, the officer
blustered up to him again.
"What target did you aim for?"
"No. 7, sorr, as you said."
"But you've hit No. 6 every time!"
shrieked, the other.
"Sure!" hotly retorted O'Grady,
Ould Oireland rising within him.
"An' what does it matter? In war
time I might aim for a private and
hit a gineral!"
"I asked him how to get rich, and
he told me, but I shan't follow his. ad
"I don't like his methods."
"Not at all. He said he simply
saved his money instead of spending
it for everything he thought ho
wanted." St.-Louis Post-Dispatch.
"I see you have recovered from the
measles, Johnny," said the primary
"Yes'm,"" replied Johnny, "but ma
says that they are still in my cistern."
"Mother, dear, is Grimm the.great
est authdr of fairy tales?"
"Grimm Is dead, my dear. Your
father is now."