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Newspaper Page Text
HER AWKWARD POSITION
Flaxen and forty was Gretchen H.
Schmidt, but her chief happiness in
life lay. in the belief that she looked
Dressed in her most fetching get
up, she tripped along to the bank to
change a cheque that a kindly provi
dence had wafted in her direction.
Incidentally, be it remembered, Gret
chen H. S. had her own views on the
attractions of the bank cashier.
Smiling the approved dentine
smile, at the danger of the loss of her
false teeth, she approached the baik
counter, and boldly endorsed her
cheque: 'Gretchen Schmidt"
"Vill you cash dis for me?" she
inquired of the cashier.
"I'm afraid you have not endorsed
this quite correctly," he said, point
ing to her signature. "You have for
gotten the H.' "
Gretchen blushed furiously.
"Is it dat it is necessarie,?" she
"Yes, madam; it must be quite ac
curate and written in full."
With trembling hand, amid tears of
mortification, Gretchen H. S. wrote:
GETTING HIM RIGHT 1
"Well, did you discover anything in
Stump's past life that we can use
Detective Not a thing. All he ever
did before he came here was to sell
Election. Agent Why, that's just
what we -want. We'll say that he
has, been mixed up in some decidedly
shady transactions. Top-Notch.
WHAT WE MAY COME TO
"Why did you leave your last
place?" a lady asked an applicant for
he post of parlor-maidv
"Snure, mum, tne applicant re
plied, "I left because they insisted on
me usin' the old-fashioned biplane.
with niver a chance at the smart new
French monoplane that's all the go
Percival, swelling with pride at his
own audacity, led the fair Prunella to
a table in the corner of the restau
rant. Though he had a spirit above
his degree, he had never yet dared to
enter quite such a "swell place"
to use his own words before.
The waiter approached, and Per
cival looked at him with a. serenity he
did not feel. With nervous eyes he
glanced up from the menu!
"Bring me, please, a dozen oy
sters!" he'tlemanded, while Prunella
looked at him in adoring admiration.
"Very sorry, sir," .answered the
waiter, "but we. are out of all shell
fish" except eggs."
"Ah, well,!." said Percival,(throwing
uown the lengthy menu. "Bring me
two boiled eggs!"
"Why is a hen immortal?
"Dunno. Why is she?"
"Because her son never sets,