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Newspaper Page Text
THEY'D FOLLOW ON
The fervent temperance orator
stopped In the'jnidst of his speech,
and said impressively:
"My friends, If all the saloons were
at the bottom of the sea, what would
be the inevitable result?"
And from the back of the room
came the loud and emphatic reply:
"Lots of people would get
CAN'T PLEASE HER
Customer Here, you've kept me
."waiting a long time, and this piece
-;of bacon is short weight!
?' Shonkeener First vou grumble
'''about the long wait; then you grum
ble about the short weight. You
can't please some people.
She Are they happy together?
He Well, he stays in every even
ing. She Then they must be.
He But she goes out.
YijrUix 4 FbOMPS SAWDUST? J
Nf ' 0- uLw .$ '
I1 .abSBi ntl IBH i1
BETTER NOT INQUIRE '
- "Why this delay? Cannot the pris
oner speak English?" inquired the
"No, my lord," answered cdlmsel
for the defense; "but I have an Irish
man here from the same village who
can translate his reniarks."
"Well, let us proceed at once, then.
What is the prisoner saying?" he in- MS
quired of the interpretejv-
"Nonsense!" came the angry an
swer. "I heard him speak."
"Yes; but 'twas nothing to do with
the case at all, m'lud."
"Sir, I demand to know what he
said!" thundered the judge.
"Well, pardon, but he wanted to,
know who was the ould woman, with
the red curtain round her, sitting so
high and mighty!"
"Indeed!" came the cutting reply.
"And what did you answer?"
"Sure, m'lud, I said, 'Whist, ye
spalpeen! That's the ould boy that's
going to hang yez!' "
SMALL GIRL KNEW
At the close of Tiis talk before a
Sunday school the bishop invited
A tiny boy, with white, eager face,
at once held up his hand.
"Please, sir," said he, "why was
Adam never a baby?"
The bishop coughed in doubt as to
what answer to give, but a uttie gin,
the eldest of several brothers and
sisters, came promptly to his aid.
"Please, sir," she answered, smart
ly, "there was nobody to nuss him."
TOOK THE PRIZE
"My dog took the first prize at the
"Really! How was that?"
"He took the. cat!"
5o o .
Willie Pa, what is a slave to fash
ion? Pa A man who has a wife and
some grown daughters, jny son.
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