Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
THEY'D FOLLOW ON
The fervent "temperance orator
"Stopped in the midst of his speech,
"My friends, If all the saloons were
at the bottom of the sea, what would
be the inevitable resujt?"
And frrfm the back of the room
Came the loud and emphatic reply:
"Ivots of people -would get
CAN'T PLEASE HER
Customer Here, you've kept me
.waiting a long time, and this piece
of bacon is short weight!
' Shopkeeper First you grumble
about the long wait; then you grum
ble about the short weight. You
can't please some people.
She Are they happy together?
I He Well, he stays in every evening.
U She Then theyimust be.
He But she goes out.
ttv . i&s
diss ee QRCUSV
vor to owe N)E BOR
BETTER NOT INQUIRE
"Why this delay? Cannot the pris
oner speak English?" inquired the
"No, my lord," answered counsel
for the defense; "but I have an Irish
man here from the same village who
can translate his remarks."
"Well, let us nroceed at once, then-
What is the prisoner saying?" he in
quired of the interpreter.
"Nonsense!" came the angry an
swer. "I heard him speak."
"Yes; but 'twas nothing to do with
the case at all, m'lud."
"Sir, I demand to .know what he
said!" thundered the judge.
JJWell, pardon, but he wanted to
know who was the ould woman, with
the red curtain round her, sitting so
high and mighty!"
"Indeed!" came the cutting reply.
"And what did you answer?1"
"Sure, m'kid, I said, 'Whist, ye
spalpeen ! That's the ould boy that's
going to hang yez!' "
SMALL GIRL KNEYY
At the close of, his talk before a
Sunday school the bishop invited
A tiny boy, with white, eager face,
at once held up his hand.
"P&ase, sir," said he, "why was
Adam never a baby?"
The "bishop coughed in doubt as to
what, answer to give, but a little girl,
the eldest of several brothers and
sisters, ame promptly to his aid-
"Please, sir," she answered, smart
ly, "there was nobody to nuss him."
TOOK THE PRIZE
"Myxlog tookthe first prize at tho
"Really! How was that?"
"He took the cat!"
Willie Pa, what is a slave to fash
Pa A man who has a 'wife and
some own daughter8,-mjyag!j